Open Letter

And now, an open letter to the long-haired stoner at Big Town Hero who botched my sandwich so colossally.

To the stoner at Big Town Hero:

Being a valued customer, I feel it is my duty to provide you with a bit of additional instruction in the proper construction of my sandwich.

When I, or other customers, order a twelve inch roast beef sandwich on wheat bread with mayonaise and cheddar cheese, this is what I (we) expect to receive. Credit must be given where due, and I give you your due credit: the bread was flawless. You deftly and expertly chose a twelve inch loaf of wheat bread. Alas, this was the extent of your success.

While I do appreciate the extra meat, I expected roast beef, not ham, salami, and pepperoni. This came as a great shock, as did your substitution of swiss cheese for the prescribed cheddar. And instead of mayonaise, you saw fit to substitute lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, and onions. The pickles were welcome, as I do enjoy them on occasion; but I've never much cared for tomatoes or onions (except for onions in fried ring form), and I am unable to eat lettuce.

To summarize, when one orders a roast beef sandwich on wheat with mayonaise and cheddar cheese, and no vegetables, you should consider it a colossal failure if said customer returns home to find an Italian with a wide array of foliage. In the future, work harder to prevent such colossal failures.

Respectfully,
The Fly

Honestly. You have to work at it to fail that horribly. Thank the Maker that he wasn't pumping my gas; when you can't master sandwiches, you should most definitely shy away from anything flammable.