Lock Him Up

I'm starting to get the impression that Michael Jackson is a homosexual pedophile.

SANTA MARIA, California (CNN) -- A former security guard at Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch testified Thursday that he saw the pop star performing oral sex on a young boy while the two were standing nude outside a shower in 1993.

The defense tried to counter Ralph Chacon's testimony by painting him as a disgruntled former employee forced into bankruptcy by an unsuccessful civil suit against Jackson.

But wait, there's more!

Tuesday, Michael Jackson's former personal maid testified she saw the pop star showering and laughing with a young boy at Neverland, with their underwear lying outside the shower door.

However, the woman said that in the years she worked for Jackson, she never saw him touch a child sexually, although his behavior did make her uncomfortable and "concerned" for her own preteen son, who often came to work with her at Jackson's suggestion.

Her son testified Monday that he had been fondled by Jackson on three occasions but did not tell his mother until years afterward. Both the mother and son in 1996 reached an out-of-court financial settlement with Jackson in which the entertainer denied wrongdoing.

I think that Michael Jackson is going to end up in prison. And, to quote Norm MacDonald...

This week, in a secret ceremony in Australia, Michael Jackson was married for the second time. Asked what makes his new bride special, the King of Pop said, quote: "She has taught me about the power of imagination. Like imagining that a grown woman is a ten year old boy." [Mixed reactions from the crowd] ... You know he's a homosexual pedophile, right? You understand? [cheers and applause]