Gitmo Attack!

Apparently there have been attacks involving detainees at Gitmo!

SAN JUAN, Puerto Rico — Military authorities have previously disclosed some incidents of guard retaliation at Guantanamo Bay (search), which resulted in mostly minor disciplinary proceedings. What emerges from 278 pages of documents obtained by The Associated Press is the degree of defiance by the terrorism suspects at Guantanamo.

The prisoners banged on their cells to protest the heat. They doused guards with whatever liquid was handy — from spit to urine. Sometimes they struck their jailers, one swinging a steel chair at a military police officer.

And the American MPs at times retaliated with force — punches, pepper spray and a splash of cleaning fluid in the face, according to the newly released documents that detail military investigations and eyewitness accounts of alleged abuse.

Some prisoners at the U.S. base in eastern Cuba have gone on the attack, as in April 2003 when a detainee got out of his cell during a search for contraband food and knocked out a guard's tooth with a punch to the mouth and bit him before he was subdued by MPs. One soldier delivered two blows to the inmate's head with a handheld radio, the documents show.

I blame the lemon fish and orange chicken. These inmates were obviously being force-fed at the orders of the eeeeevil Rumsfeld (that's Secretary of Defense, the Honorable Mr. Rumsfeld to you patriots out there) and that canniving chimp, Bush (that's the President of the United States, the Honorable Mr. Bush to you patriots out there), but it backfired because the added calories caused the inmates to spontaneously begin exercising. Since the Bush Administration's evil storm troopers (these being the valiant and self-sacrificing heroes that guard our outpost at Guantanamo Bay to you patriots out there) want nothing more than to cause obesity and poor health in the detainees over some dispute having to do with oil or the sale of weapons to Cuba in 1951 or something, they immediately attacked the poor, defenseless activists being unfairly detained down in Cuba.

Do you true patriots need a translation? It's simple: the detainees down at Camp X-Ray are a bunch of lunatic savages who wish the death of every non-Muslim American, and they do whatever they can to resist their guards. Sometimes, when they get extremely violent, the guards have to respond with justified force. The truth of the matter is that the guards most likely use far greater restraint than you or I would expect them to. End of story.