Targeting Intellectual Dishonesty

This can, at least in part, be considered an open letter to hippies.

Okay, so here in [Generic Northwestern State] there's an environmental lobbyist group that's constantly sending their college-aged lackeys around to collect signatures, or convince folks that the world is going to come to an end if such-and-such policies are continued.

They're out in force lately, and I've seen them on campus and even had one knock on my door. Right now they're whining and moaning about the prospect of oil being drilled off the Pacific coast. The kid who came to my door asked about that, and I said "You know what, I think that's a great thing."

Let's explore this a bit. Now, I can't say for a fact, but I'm willing to bet that the vast majority of this particular environmentalist group are against what they probably refer to (and I'm paraphrasing here) as the "fascist Bush administration's unjust, Zionist occupation of Iraq in an evil attempt to take their oil and fill the pockets of Halliburton executives". So, let's review:

This group is officially against drilling for oil off the coast of [Generic Northwestern State].

This group is, without a doubt, against drilling for oil in the tiny portion of the Alaskan National Wildlife Refuge that has been eremarked for oil prospecting.

The rank and file membership of this group is almost certainly against Operation Iraqi Freedom; furthermore, I'm willing to conjecture that many of them, though probably not all, were opponents of Operation Enduring Freedom.

Now, I hate to apply unsubstantiated stereotypes, and I hate to make blanket generalizations, but in my experience a lot of the folks who I tend to call "trust fund terrorists" have the same talking points. They're anti-globalization, "pacifist", yadda, yadda, yadda. They're the MoveOn.org, Democratic Underground type.

At any rate, I can't help but laugh at these folks. What about that pen of yours, buddy? What about that clipboard? What about that nice T-shirt you're wearing, or those jeans? Where were those made, and how much oil went into their production? How about that lip ring of yours? Where do you think they manufactured that? How about the photocopier you used to make copies of your petition? Did that require electricity, or did you print them by hand? How much oil was burned to give you that electricity? And how much damage did you supposedly do to the ozone layer with that asinine twenty-five year old Honda Accord of yours that belches black smoke?

So where's the oil going to come from? Where are we going to get the supplies of oil to manufacture clipboards, and Birkenstock sandals*, and pens, and jeans, and plastic for making photocopiers? You don't want to use Middle Eastern oil, you don't want to drill in Alaska where it will effect no people and no animals, and you don't want to drill off the coast where it won't have any effect on your visits to the beach... So where do you want it to come from?

Doesn't that strike you as just a tad hypocritical? Kind of the same way that it's hypocritical for you to think that people shouldn't be so materialistic and selfish, yet you can't be bothered to live a more modest lifestyle?

Now, I realize that there are people who are genuinely eco-friendly, and make a point of doing everything they can to legitimately live the lifestyle. I commend those people; I disagree with them, but I can at least give them credit for making the sacrifices necessary to avoid total hypocrisy.

And you know what? I'd love it if Americans were less obsessed with Mammon, and conserved more, and I try to employ these values in my own life. I'm going to admit it, though: I love stuff that's imported from overseas. I love cheap cargo shorts from Sears. I love a computer assembled by jabbering Koreans, or Japanese folks, or something. I realize that I have things better than the folks who put my shorts together, but I also work extremely hard, and my taxes and work actually protect stability for those people.

I'd also love for there to be technology that makes oil obsolete. I'd love to have a car that runs on happy thoughts and rainbows and unicorn horns. I'd love to cut American oil demand by so much that the Saudis, the Qataris, the Iraqis, the Iranians, the Bahrainis, and everybody else who sells the damn stuff has to have a five for one sale on it just to get rid of their inventory. Maybe it'll happen someday, but in the meantime I acknowledge that we need oil, we need lots of oil, and we need to maintain redundant, secure sources of the stuff. Investing research money in energy technologies that may or may not work in the future is no substitute for taking steps to keep our energy sources secure.

And do you know what? It would be a much smaller issue if you'd just swallow your pride and acknowledge that nuclear power is safe, clean, efficient, and effective. Condemning both oil and nuclear power at the same time is no longer an option, unless you want to eat tofu and carrots and employ people to walk on hamster wheels all day to generate energy, you're going to have to join the real world.

You can't have it both ways, so stop wasting my time by trying. Get with the program, and either move into the national parks and eat roots and tree bark, or shut the hell up and get a real job.

Wow. I sounded like Manda just then.

Thus saith the Fly.

* I'm not making fun of Birkenstocks, I have a pair myself and I wear them constantly. They're great sandals, and a great way to take care of yourself; much better than smoking cannabis and eating nothing but soy and soy by-products.