Desperately Seeking Control
Something that's been resounded within me the last couple of days, and that's been echoed in my correspondence with The Wife and Sara has been the feeling of helplessness in the wake of the chaos on the Gulf Coast. Whether these two realize it or not (they probably do, but they haven't expressed it in these words), I'm guessing that they're suffering from the same thing that I think is eating at my insides: a lack of control.
Normally, even though humans have an innate need to control what's going on around them, this need doesn't flex itself. I don't usually have a desire to control things in New Orleans; I don't have to worry about unimpeded looting, or gangs wandering the streets for the sole purpose of raping whatever women they find. I don't have to worry about savages shooting at military aircraft, or at bus drivers, or police officers. Therefore, I don't need to have any control over these things. Now I feel the need to control things; I feel the need to be in the thick of things, putting a round in the head and two in the chest of every brute who so much as tries to take advantage of the situation down South by looting, or raping, or using a firearm to muscle his way into power.
And what else does this need extend to? You guessed it: oil. Normally, a year and a half ago, when gasoline could be purchased at a semi-reasonable price (which is to say, less than two dollars), I didn't have to have any control over the situation. If it cost thirty dollars to fuel up my vehicle, I was in a lousy spot. The other day, before prices started to have these mega-spikes, I filled half a tank for $26 or so. Did I have any control before? No, and I didn't feel that I needed it. Do I have any control now? No, but I feel like there should be something.
I'm not willing to shout that the sky is falling. On the other hand, I'm worried. The overwhelming brunt of America's oil infrastructure has been severely damaged. I heard on Medved today that some of the refineries that were damaged restarted operations today, and that's extremely encouraging. Those of us who follow this sort of thing could be getting all worked up over nothing, but as far as I'm concerned, this has the makings of a critical situation that none of us has any control over. It's not really something where blame can be easily laid, and that doesn't really accomplish anything anyway; I think it's fair to say, however, that we got a taste of this during the Carter Administration, and our "leaders" have failed in the last thirty years to make any substantial improvements to the situation. This, ladies and gentlemen, is precisely the reason why so many people seek a separation of politics and government.
So what's my solution to the entire problem? I have none, and between the first grade teacher, the price of gasoline, and the knowledge that a city I've been to (New Orleans) is essentially a modern Atlantis, and a facility that I could have seen myself working in (Marshall Space Flight Center, Huntsville, Alabama) has sustained damage, my mind's pretty preoccupied. As I said last night: I'm worried, probably more worried than I've ever been. By all accounts, the governor of Louisiana and the mayor of New Orleans have proven themselves to be completely and utterly incapable of providing a single iota of legitimate, effective leadership. Martial law has been declared in New Orleans (several days ago, in fact), but the place is so chaotic that police officers are literally turning in their badges and fragging out, and National Guard personnel can't be risked to bring the city under control.
It's bad, folks. I think that 9/11 will have a more long-standing effect on American history and the American psyche, but the sheer damage and chaos caused by this disaster dwarfs 9/11. The word "disaster" seems insufficient, but it's the only appropriate word.
So what am I going to do to try and put my mind at ease? I'm going to eliminate outside input. I'm scratching out "news" on my list of things to accomplish this weekend. I'm going to desperately attempt to avoid watching Fox News; I never watch CNN as it is. I'm going to avoid going to the websites for Fox or CNN, or any other domestic news agencies; I might get brave enough to look at the BBC or the AFP, but only international news. I won't be visiting news blogs after tonight. Aside from work, I will become a recluse in my empty flat for the weekend, and desperately hope and pray that I'll stop losing sleep over all of this.
I've made an order on the Internet, because what I spend my money on is one of the things that I can still control. I've purchased two U2 singles, The Fly (1991) and City of Blinding Lights (2005), plus Augustine's Confessions in my preferred Penguin Classics edition, seemingly unavailable locally. After this, my "expendable funds" will be, I think, closely monitored, and closely guarded. Before this week I wasn't in a position to spend much of my income (figuring that since I'll probably be moving soon, and finding a different job, I'll need it for that), and after this week I don't have a damn clue what might happen.
I still believe that things will return to normal. I don't fear the New Orleans chaos and anarchy spreading like wildfire to Texas, and Oklahoma, and Utah, and on and on. Things will calm down, and order, including reasonable fuel prices, will be restored; but it won't be immediate, that's for damn sure. Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves. Live your lives, but be prepared, be smart, and take care of yourselves. And if you think I'm overreacting... Well, I hope you're right.
Stay tuned, because anything I post this weekend will be fun and games. Politics, news, controversy, debate, it's all on hold while your friendly neighborhood Super Fly seeks comfort in books, music, food, drink, and anything else that's stable... Anything else that can be controlled, tangibly, here and now.
UPDATE: From Remy Zero; sorry it's not U2, you'll just have to deal.
I'm reachin' out to you, Boss. I know You're there, and I know You have a plan, and I just pray that I could understand it. It's getting pretty rough down here.
Normally, even though humans have an innate need to control what's going on around them, this need doesn't flex itself. I don't usually have a desire to control things in New Orleans; I don't have to worry about unimpeded looting, or gangs wandering the streets for the sole purpose of raping whatever women they find. I don't have to worry about savages shooting at military aircraft, or at bus drivers, or police officers. Therefore, I don't need to have any control over these things. Now I feel the need to control things; I feel the need to be in the thick of things, putting a round in the head and two in the chest of every brute who so much as tries to take advantage of the situation down South by looting, or raping, or using a firearm to muscle his way into power.
And what else does this need extend to? You guessed it: oil. Normally, a year and a half ago, when gasoline could be purchased at a semi-reasonable price (which is to say, less than two dollars), I didn't have to have any control over the situation. If it cost thirty dollars to fuel up my vehicle, I was in a lousy spot. The other day, before prices started to have these mega-spikes, I filled half a tank for $26 or so. Did I have any control before? No, and I didn't feel that I needed it. Do I have any control now? No, but I feel like there should be something.
I'm not willing to shout that the sky is falling. On the other hand, I'm worried. The overwhelming brunt of America's oil infrastructure has been severely damaged. I heard on Medved today that some of the refineries that were damaged restarted operations today, and that's extremely encouraging. Those of us who follow this sort of thing could be getting all worked up over nothing, but as far as I'm concerned, this has the makings of a critical situation that none of us has any control over. It's not really something where blame can be easily laid, and that doesn't really accomplish anything anyway; I think it's fair to say, however, that we got a taste of this during the Carter Administration, and our "leaders" have failed in the last thirty years to make any substantial improvements to the situation. This, ladies and gentlemen, is precisely the reason why so many people seek a separation of politics and government.
So what's my solution to the entire problem? I have none, and between the first grade teacher, the price of gasoline, and the knowledge that a city I've been to (New Orleans) is essentially a modern Atlantis, and a facility that I could have seen myself working in (Marshall Space Flight Center, Huntsville, Alabama) has sustained damage, my mind's pretty preoccupied. As I said last night: I'm worried, probably more worried than I've ever been. By all accounts, the governor of Louisiana and the mayor of New Orleans have proven themselves to be completely and utterly incapable of providing a single iota of legitimate, effective leadership. Martial law has been declared in New Orleans (several days ago, in fact), but the place is so chaotic that police officers are literally turning in their badges and fragging out, and National Guard personnel can't be risked to bring the city under control.
It's bad, folks. I think that 9/11 will have a more long-standing effect on American history and the American psyche, but the sheer damage and chaos caused by this disaster dwarfs 9/11. The word "disaster" seems insufficient, but it's the only appropriate word.
So what am I going to do to try and put my mind at ease? I'm going to eliminate outside input. I'm scratching out "news" on my list of things to accomplish this weekend. I'm going to desperately attempt to avoid watching Fox News; I never watch CNN as it is. I'm going to avoid going to the websites for Fox or CNN, or any other domestic news agencies; I might get brave enough to look at the BBC or the AFP, but only international news. I won't be visiting news blogs after tonight. Aside from work, I will become a recluse in my empty flat for the weekend, and desperately hope and pray that I'll stop losing sleep over all of this.
I've made an order on the Internet, because what I spend my money on is one of the things that I can still control. I've purchased two U2 singles, The Fly (1991) and City of Blinding Lights (2005), plus Augustine's Confessions in my preferred Penguin Classics edition, seemingly unavailable locally. After this, my "expendable funds" will be, I think, closely monitored, and closely guarded. Before this week I wasn't in a position to spend much of my income (figuring that since I'll probably be moving soon, and finding a different job, I'll need it for that), and after this week I don't have a damn clue what might happen.
I still believe that things will return to normal. I don't fear the New Orleans chaos and anarchy spreading like wildfire to Texas, and Oklahoma, and Utah, and on and on. Things will calm down, and order, including reasonable fuel prices, will be restored; but it won't be immediate, that's for damn sure. Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves. Live your lives, but be prepared, be smart, and take care of yourselves. And if you think I'm overreacting... Well, I hope you're right.
Stay tuned, because anything I post this weekend will be fun and games. Politics, news, controversy, debate, it's all on hold while your friendly neighborhood Super Fly seeks comfort in books, music, food, drink, and anything else that's stable... Anything else that can be controlled, tangibly, here and now.
UPDATE: From Remy Zero; sorry it's not U2, you'll just have to deal.
I feel my wings have broken in your hands
I feel the words unspoken inside
When they pull you under
And I would give you anything you want
Well all I wanted
All my dreams have fallen down
Crawling around
Somebody save me
And two warm hands break right through me
Somebody save me
I don't care how you do it
Just stay, stay
Come on, I've been waiting for you
I see the world has folded in your heart
I feel the waves crash down inside
And they pull me under
I would give you anything you want
Well all I wanted
And all my dreams have fallen down
Crawling around somebody save me
And two warm hands break right through me
Somebody save me
I don't care how you do it
Just stay, stay
Come on, I've been waiting for you
And all my dreams are on the ground
Crawling around
Somebody save me
Let your warm hands break right through me
Somebody save me
I don't care how you do it
Just stay with me
I've made this whole world shine for
Just stay, stay
Come on, I'm still waiting for you
I'm reachin' out to you, Boss. I know You're there, and I know You have a plan, and I just pray that I could understand it. It's getting pretty rough down here.
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