When Fly Seeks Advice
Sara, I know you're reading this; I hope you'll respond with some advice. That goes for everyone else, too; I need some counsel about a situation.
I don't want to go to the trouble of linking to all of the relevant posts, but some of you will remember that in the past I've sought advice about a female friend of mine, who I call the Lobster. (If you don't understand the reference, don't worry about it.) Somewhat continuously, I have maintained a friendship with the Lobster while simultaneously implying that I'd be interested in something more than friendship. She's never gone for it, but she continues to call, and I continue to answer, even though it's become more an issue of frustration and resent to me than anything else.
I've basically decided that I've got enough platonic female friends in my life, and that I not only don't need to take on any more of them, but also don't need to keep some of the ones I have now; I want to get married, not expand what my buddy the Handyman used to refer to as the "Buddy Club". Don't worry, if you're female and you're reading this, then I have no intention of cutting you loose. The Lobster, however, may not be as lucky. I'm seriously considering cutting her out of my life; whether it'll be a passive or active approach is yet to be determined.
There's a lot of difficulty to this decision, for several reasons. For one thing, we've been friends for more than half of my life at this point. Also, it's not part of my character to cut someone out of my life, save for ex-girlfriends like the Mirror or Mudflap; I tend to be very sentimental, and I try to stay in contact with everyone I possibly can, even with people I've had very brief interactions with. With the Lobster, though, every time we interact, it's tedious and frustrating to me; I no longer derive any enjoyment from seeing her (which is rare) or talking to her. At this point, it's entirely for her benefit, and since she's obviously not interested, I don't see much point in putting out the effort anymore. That's not what a friendship is; a friendship is mutually beneficial, and mutually motivated.
And the reason for this rant, at this time of night, now? Well, tonight I finally did it: my mobile rang, I went over to answer it, saw that it was the Lobster, and just let it keep ringing. I checked the voice message a few minutes later, and she said she'd be driving for about twenty more minutes; that was forty minutes ago, and I've not returned the call, and my guess is that I won't.
So, even if it's not particularly conclusive, I'd appreciate any input that any of you would care to offer. If there's good reason to continue the friendship, even if it's something as simple as teaching me a lesson about character and loyalty, then I'll reconsider; like I said, I don't like to bail on a friendship. If not, then I'm absolutely leaning toward letting this friendship fade away.
Thoughts? Post 'em up.
I don't want to go to the trouble of linking to all of the relevant posts, but some of you will remember that in the past I've sought advice about a female friend of mine, who I call the Lobster. (If you don't understand the reference, don't worry about it.) Somewhat continuously, I have maintained a friendship with the Lobster while simultaneously implying that I'd be interested in something more than friendship. She's never gone for it, but she continues to call, and I continue to answer, even though it's become more an issue of frustration and resent to me than anything else.
I've basically decided that I've got enough platonic female friends in my life, and that I not only don't need to take on any more of them, but also don't need to keep some of the ones I have now; I want to get married, not expand what my buddy the Handyman used to refer to as the "Buddy Club". Don't worry, if you're female and you're reading this, then I have no intention of cutting you loose. The Lobster, however, may not be as lucky. I'm seriously considering cutting her out of my life; whether it'll be a passive or active approach is yet to be determined.
There's a lot of difficulty to this decision, for several reasons. For one thing, we've been friends for more than half of my life at this point. Also, it's not part of my character to cut someone out of my life, save for ex-girlfriends like the Mirror or Mudflap; I tend to be very sentimental, and I try to stay in contact with everyone I possibly can, even with people I've had very brief interactions with. With the Lobster, though, every time we interact, it's tedious and frustrating to me; I no longer derive any enjoyment from seeing her (which is rare) or talking to her. At this point, it's entirely for her benefit, and since she's obviously not interested, I don't see much point in putting out the effort anymore. That's not what a friendship is; a friendship is mutually beneficial, and mutually motivated.
And the reason for this rant, at this time of night, now? Well, tonight I finally did it: my mobile rang, I went over to answer it, saw that it was the Lobster, and just let it keep ringing. I checked the voice message a few minutes later, and she said she'd be driving for about twenty more minutes; that was forty minutes ago, and I've not returned the call, and my guess is that I won't.
So, even if it's not particularly conclusive, I'd appreciate any input that any of you would care to offer. If there's good reason to continue the friendship, even if it's something as simple as teaching me a lesson about character and loyalty, then I'll reconsider; like I said, I don't like to bail on a friendship. If not, then I'm absolutely leaning toward letting this friendship fade away.
Thoughts? Post 'em up.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home