09 December 2008

Ugly British Chicks

Okay, so I was swamped over the weekend, and what I had intended as a filler post for today ended up betraying a flaw in YouTube's new widescreen format: it overlaps blog sidebars when you embed it. So... Here we are. Anyway, a few news items, a few random links to keep you entertained, and then I have some other items to take care of.

Some folks in England are apparently up in arms about British university women who choose to participate in beauty pageants, thus apparently placing a premium on beauty over brains. Let me tell you, folks: anything that showcases the handful of attractive British women is a good thing. Most young British women are "uglier than a kebab shop fistfight," as my friend Doug the Embalmer would say. Don't believe me? I'm not alone in thinking this. If you don't read a single additional link today, treat yourself to this one, in which a columnist for the Times of London describes just how slovenly some British women can be - Mighty Mo, you'll love this one. His follow-up, titled "Oh, please, you lard-butt British frumps have got off too lightly," is also worth the read. Just for good measure, here's a "money shot" from the first article:

A perfect example of this was presented to me last week. I was set up with Sophie (I have changed the name) by married friends. Sophie was a truly beautiful girl I used to be friends with, but hadn’t seen in 15 years. I was surprised to hear that she was still single and was excited to meet her again. At dinner, I found myself sitting opposite something that surely would have been happier hunting for truffles in the forests of France or grazing on the grassy marshlands of Canada. My friend’s wife had told me that Sophie still had the body of a 20-year-old. Maybe she did . . . dismembered in her freezer at home. She certainly didn’t have it on her skeleton.

I’m not saying that I’m the greatest prize out there, but at least I’d put on a clean shirt, shaved and brushed my teeth. Sophie tumbled into the house looking like a refugee from Hurricane Katrina. She smelt like the R&D lab at Philip Morris. Her outfit was about as sexy as a half-pound of ground meat. And, surely, the only time she’d seen the inside of a gym was to ask directions to the nearest pub. I was hurt that my friends thought I’d be remotely interested in Sophie. Even more insulting was when my friend’s wife pointedly said: “Tad, I hear you just sold a screenplay to the producers of My Big Fat Greek Wedding.” I could not believe it. She was selling ME to HER!? I sat there watching Sophie tuck into a second huge plate of shepherd’s pie and realised why no self-respecting American girl consumes carbohydrates after 2pm. I’m not surprised Sophie was having trouble finding a boyfriend. Regardless of whether she was interested in me or not, she was unwittingly sabotaging her own chances with any man.

Priceless, and largely true from my experience. Read it for the laughs, read it for the pithy commentary, read it for whatever reason, just read it!

Speaking of beautiful British women, the Times also has a profile on Asma Assad, the British-born wife of Syrian leader Bashar al Assad. If you're up for viewing things that are NOT SAFE FOR WORK, you might enjoy an unfortunate incident that Asma Assad endured while wearing a skirt in public on a windy day - waving from a rooftop, no less! My guess is that Asma Assad is probably a delightful woman, but anyone who marries Bashar al Assad deserves whatever ridicule anyone can throw at them.

With all of the IEDs in Iraq over the last few years, the DoD and various defense contractors put out a yeoman's effort in manufacturing and fielding MRAP vehicles to save the lives of American troops. Even so, it appears that the HMMWV is still the favorite among civilized countries around the world.

In yet another veritable orgasm of irony, Human Rights Watch has blamed the Bush Administration for Somalia being an anarchic cesspool. Yeah. Okay.

A Lebanese man claims to have dug up the world's heaviest potato. Sweet! (But not a sweet potato.)

Okay, three fun sites, and then I'm done for today.

First, if you're at all interested in death as art, have a look at the Morbid Anatomy blog, compliments of the Crypto King.

I assume that most of the guys who read this blog, with the possible exception of Father Time, probably played with Legos as a kid. While reading an article on Fox News the other day, titled "Lego-Style Islamic Terrorist Figurine Sparks Outrage," I came across Brick Arms, a company that makes a handful of custom figurines in addition to realistic, Lego-compatible weapons. Their terrorist figure may have sparked outrage, but their products are awesome - go look!

And finally, I like to make note of excellent web comics when they come up. I've noted on several occasions that xkcd #386 is definitely descriptive of me and my "Someone is Wrong on the Internet" sense. They had another one on Friday that's like me: #513, titled "Friends."

Alright, folks, that's it for today. Check back tomorrow for my latest submission to my parallel writing endeavour.

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