Thanksgiving Sketches

One of these is an incomplete recreation from memory; the other is quoted from a transcript. First...

Caller: Ladies' Man, I hate Thanksgiving! I can't stand spending time with my family.
Leon Phelps: Well caller, that is not good. *starts crying* Thanksgiving, and family, are so important! Because you're a family, and family is so important!
Caller: Ladies' Man, are you okay?
Leon Phelps: *calms down* Yeah, you just reminded me of a memory of Thanksgiving past, where I shot my brother. He was being very uncool, so I shot him with one of the three guns I always take to Thanksgiving dinner. He did not die, but he now has just one arm.

And the second, from Weekend Update, is here:

"The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration is warning people not to overeat on Thanksgiving because it can make you drowsy at the wheel. Well, that's bad news for me, you know, 'cause after Thanksgiving dinner I usually like to drive around a while, until I sober up."
- Norm MacDonald, 1994

I hope everyone made it safely through the holiday. I also hope that everyone is staying away from the crowds today. I'll be spending most of my day watching Spike TV's Thanksgiving Bondathon, and then working for a few hours tonight. Stay out of trouble, and I'll try to post something worth reading.