Fly Smites a Hippy Centaur

When I was in Firenze (Florence), Italy, it was just a week or so after the 2003 invasion of Iraq. International tensions were high, and as I sat at a little cafe enjoying a glass of red wine and being adored by beautiful Italian girls, that feared mob appeared: a bunch of hippies, led by a centaur. They were waving flags that said "PACE", which is Italian for "PEACE". They were rainbow flags, which is a symbol of gay pride.

Needless to say, I was not amused.

They saw my haircut, the bodyguards, the money, and the beautiful, bathed women in my presence. It was obvious, there for all to see: I was an American capitalist with military experience. Naturally, they got jealous, and approached me. The centaur got pretty angry, and said in broken English that I should go back to America where I belonged. Then he started pushing me around, getting physical, and intimidating the girls who wanted nothing more than to enjoy my charming presence.

Then he made the last mistake he'd have a chance to make: he spit in Friar Dave's gelatto. It was on.

I grabbed the iron club that I always carry when I'm traveling in Europe, jumped over the centaur's head and onto his back, got him in a head lock, and proceeded to beat him senseless. Then, as he lay gasping for breath on the cobblestoned street, I yanked one of his horse shoes off and, in a moment that would eventually be copied by Deputy Jones on Reno 911!, I said: "Don't make me beat you with your own shoe."

That dirty centaur stayed down, I tell you what.

Actually, this picture was taken on Friday, 4th April 2003 at the Loggia del Lanzi, in the Palazza della Signoria in Florence/Firenze. It's a statue of Hercules smiting Caccus the Centaur. I'm not a medieval/renaissance historian (that would be Friar Dave), but I absolutely loved Firenze, and recommend it almost as highly as I recommend Orkney; as a matter of fact, I met my friends from Orkney in Firenze.