Election Thursday and Chinese Waitresses

Hey folks! Some stories, some comedy, and some politics. Buckle in, it's Election Thursday.

A couple of days ago, I carried a Times Online article about Kim Jong Il, who is currently Kim Jong Ill. There have been a number of reports lately about his medical situation, from the AP, the BBC, and another from the Times. There are claims that his eldest son visited a French brain surgeon to inquire about treatment, and the Japanese and the South Koreans are apparently claiming that he's been hospitalized, but is cognizant and healthy enough to continue running the country. It'll be interesting to continue watching how this whole situation plays out. For those who didn't know previously, Chairman Kim's succession is expected to be a mess.

I've been paying some attention in the last several days to the upcoming presidential race in Iran. I had originally wondered if it would be a match up between Mohammed Khatami, who is moderate, and Mahmoud Ahmedinejad, who is crazy. Apparently Khatami has basically announced that he doesn't plan to run. Too bad.

To be honest with you, most of the rest of the news for today is actually pretty soft. The sister ship of the Titanic, which served as a hospital ship until it was sunk in World War I, is going to be turned into an underwater musem where it rests off the coast of a Greek island. With the exception of one novel cover that's in exceptionally poor taste (guess which one?), there's a Longmire-esque popup at the Guardian in which classic books have been given new genres. Aside from the "housemaid" one at the end, I think my favorite was the re-tooling of "On the Road" by Jack Kerouac, a book I have no familiarity with, as "An intergalactic voyage fraught with angst." Awesome. And as if that wasn't enough, one of the Times Online's "pictures of the day" came from the International Best Bottoms (read: women's buttocks) Contest: NSFW. Sometimes, the news makes a concerted effort at redeeming itself. And, in an article for the geeks, the Times has an piece about a zombie plague gone awry in the World... of Warcraft. All of those nerds must have lost hours of their life dealing with that, that they would have otherwise lost just playing the normal game.

The BBC has a couple of audio slideshows (don't ask me where they got that phrase, they're British, they don't need a reason). The first is a narrated slideshow of archaeological specimens from Herculaneum, three hundred years after the discovery of the city that was buried by the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius alongside Pompeii in 79 AD. The second is a collection of images from a couple of Bond flicks, narrated by the production designer. If you've seen the old Bond flicks You Only Live Twice (1967) and The Spy Who Loved Me (1977), you'll enjoy this slideshow.

Speaking of James Bond, the new flick, Quantum of Solace, premieres in a few weeks. The BBC has a couple of pieces on the subject. The first is an interview with the new Bond girl, Olga Kurylenko, who apparently hates doing love scenes. She was also born with twelve fingers, and nobody asked her her opinion on the subject (the BBC reporters don't count as people). If you want to watch the final trailer, it's available at the BBC's review of the flick. I can't wait to see this movie.

Okay, so before the politics, a few quick stories. (Stop laughing, Mo.)

I have this ex-girlfriend who I've been speaking with occasionally over the last few weeks. There's apparently a Middle Eastern restaurant near her flat in [Metropolis], so she took a picture of the sign and sent it to me. So, I looked up the word: مطعم, prounounced "matehm" or "matehma", I think. It means "restaurant" - not surprising, considering the source. What makes it interesting is that I actually saw the word on that satellite image of the Saudi/Bahraini passport island from Tuesday's post. I was also able to recognize the word for "border" (حدود, pronounced "hedood"), that I'd learned from my Little Beige Book on Iraqi Arabic. I had a similar experience a few months ago, when I recognized the word for "camp" (معسكر, pronounced "muaskar"), also from the Little Beige Book. These may seem silly to some of you, but you have to keep in mind that I'm trying to learn this language on my own, in my spare time, using only what's available to me online and in print. When I can actually recognize a word, and infer something else from it, that's a big deal.

And, just for good measure, even if you don't read XKCD, yesterday's was worth checking out. If you wonder WTF (mate?) is going on, check the previous two comics for context. The parts about Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and pleading the third? Priceless.

Speaking of restaurants, there's a sushi joint across the street from work. God only knows how long they'll be open, since I've never actually seen the place packed despite their awesome lunch prices, and the fact that they serve more than just sushi - they really should have called the place "[Name] Japanese Restaurant and Sushi Bar" instead of just "[Name] Sushi". At any rate, in case most of you didn't know, many Asian restaurants that are labeled Japanese are actually run by Chinese (or occasionally Korean) folks. If you think about it, Japan has a shrinking population and is industrialized and modern, whereas much of China is still pretty primitive and they basically have more people in the country than they know what to do with. And, mainly for entertainment but also to back up my point, I feel compelled to repost a conversation between myself and the Crypto King, my own personal reference on all things Japanese, from a few months ago.

The Fly: You'd be entertained to know that I went to a Japanese steak house in town with some friends on Saturday night. It wasn't my birthday, but the chef thought it was, so they put a lei on me and put a balloon on my jacket, and they did a polaroid with a card, et cetera.
Crypto King: Is that the one across the street from [the] Mall?
Crypto King: and when the hell did you get friends?
The Fly: I started going to church. Four of the seven people I was out with were from church. I didn't know two of the other ones, and the last one is a friend of two of the people from church.
Crypto King: Ah, that makes sense.
Crypto King: How was the food? I never went to that place.
The Fly: I'm not sure if it's the one you're thinking about, it's a ways off the parkway. The food was good.
Crypto King: Name?
The Fly: Geisha
Crypto King: Seriously, who the hell thought that was a good name for a restaurant? Fucking koreans.
The Fly: *shrug* Maybe it's because they have Asian women in kimonos scurrying around delivering drinks and taking orders?
Crypto King: just like every other japanese steakhouse run by koreans or, worse, chinese?
Crypto King: Those manage not to name their restaurants "Hookers!"
The Fly: I'd never been to one, so I don't know.
The Fly: LOL
Crypto King: Might as well call it "Happy Ending Steakhouse and Massage Parlor"
The Fly: You say all of this... But wouldn't you want to eat there if it was called Happy Ending Steakhouse and Massage Parlor?
Crypto King: Yes, yes I would.

Okay, so back to the topic at hand. I tried the sushi joint a month or two ago, and it wasn't too bad, so I've been back a few times. At this point, I probably average a lunch there once a week. Well, pretty much all of the waitresses are attractive, semi-lanky Asian girls, who I'd guess to be Chinese. So, last week, I went in there, and the waitress in question wasn't my actual waitress, but there were a couple of times when she came over, and I wasn't sure if she was flirting with me, or possibly mentally retarded. Today I was there with a couple of friends from work, and unless they were screwing with me, they confirmed that she was "hovering", looking for things to make small talk about.

Just for the purpose of making it a bit more entertaining, allow me to demonstrate in transcript form what happened last week.

Chinese Waitress: You need something else? You not full.
The Fly: Oh, I think I'm good, thanks.
Chinese Waitress: Okay. [smiles and brushes The Fly's arm with her hand]
The Fly: [waits five minutes for someone, anyone, to clear his plate and bring him his check]
Chinese Waitress: You ready to order?
The Fly: Oh, I think I'm ready to go, actually.
Chinese Waitress: Ohhh, okay. [tries to hand The Fly a menu]
The Fly: No, no, I'm ready to leave, to walk out of here. [makes walking motion with his fingers]
Chinese Waitress: Ohhh! I sorry, I thought you mean you want to order somesing to go. I go get your check. [smiles and brushes The Fly's arm with her hand]

And after that, the second waitress brought me my check. Mind you, I'm not complaining; and in fact, the statute of limitations on talking about ex-girlfriends is almost up on the little jabbering foreigner (who was actually Japanese), so between her and the Whore, I actually do have a history of dating foreign chicks. I'm just saying, that first attempt was pretty clumsy even by my standards.

I will, of course, report more about the Chinese Waitress as I return to [Name] Sushi for subsequent work lunches. I've never been a sushi kind of guy before, but their California rolls are to die for - and at just four bucks, they're a lunch time steal!

* * *
I'm going to try to keep Election Thursday to a dull roar today; and since there will be plenty of things to post in these waning days before the election, don't think it's over.

A lot has been made of Senator Obama's supposed widespread adulation from abroad. One important, popular, and influential figure who appears to be conflicted about Obama, though, is French President Nicolas Sarkozy. Sarkozy has been at the front lines of negotiations between Russia and Georgia, and France has taken a leading role in the failing negotiations with Iran over the Iranian nuclear program over the last several years. If there's anyone who understands this stuff, it's him. Haaretz reports that President Sarkozy has expressed that he has a critical attitude toward Obama's positions on Iran. To quote Haaretz:

Sarkozy has made his criticisms only in closed forums in France. But according to a senior Israeli government source, the reports reaching Israel indicate that Sarkozy views the Democratic candidate's stance on Iran as "utterly immature" and comprised of "formulations empty of all content."

Fars News Agency, one of several Iranian mouthpieces, points out that the French embassy in Israel has denied the report, but let's be honest: even if I, the Fly, have good reason to believe that Barack Obama's not going to win the election next Tuesday, the world is still poised for it. What are the French going to do, acknowledge it, and set themselves up to get off on the wrong foot with Obama in the unlikely event that he actually wins the election? My guess is that the Haaretz article, even if the quote was intended to remain behind closed doors, probably has merit to it.

Think about it this way. Obama's position is that he'd meet with the Iranian government, in the first year of his administration, without pre-conditions. When asked previously, Obama has waffled on whether or not he'd keep military force on the table, but his solution to the problem was "aggressive personal negotiations" - as if the Iranian government would be so awed by Barack Obama's charisma and majesty that they'd immediately surrender all of their Uranium, centrifuges, and reactor parts. Obama claimed that Iran was a "tiny [country that] doesn't pose a serious threat", until someone called him out on it. He pointed out their miniscule military budget compared to ours, apparently ignorant of the fact that Iran funds and supplies Hezbollah, Hamas, the Taliban, the Jaish al Mahdi Militia, and has been known to cooperate with al Qaeda in the past (no, I'm not making that up) - apparently ignorant of the bang you get for your buck when funding terrorism instead of developing an F-22 or a fast attack submarine.

Meanwhile, Sarkozy and his government, along with the Germans and the Brits, have been engaged in "aggressive personal negotiations" with Iran for the last four or five years, basically since Barack Obama was a legislator in Illinois representing South Chicago. The negotiations have gone nowhere. That's not to the discredit of the "EU3", as they're called - on the contrary, these three countries have backed us up, and done something that we weren't capable of doing due to our necessary position on Iran and Iran's unreasonable position on us. Then Obama comes in, obviously doesn't recognize the threat, doesn't recognize the way to deal with that threat, and seems to have this belief that all will be will if he's voted into office. If I were Sarkozy, I would have said something much more colorful behind closed doors.

I've discussed Senator Obama's fiscal policies, compared to Senator McCain's, with a number of people over the last few weeks. I don't think I've seen it summed up quite so well as it is in this article by one of my favorite FSM contributors, KT McFarland:

In simple terms, McCain is more concerned with growing the pie, rather than the size of the pieces. He favors policies that encourage the private sector of the economy to grow. His proposals favor small business, where the majority of new jobs come from. His tax policies reward investment in new technologies, building new companies and creating new jobs. Although he doesn’t say it this way, he figures that if the pie is big enough, everyone gets a decent sized piece. He doesn’t believe in giving everyone the same sized piece, but rather a piece reflective of their overall contribution to growing the pie. He is a free market conservative.

Obama is more concerned with the size of the pie pieces, rather than the size of the pie as a whole. As he said to Joe the Plumber, he wants to spread the wealth around. He favors more government aid to the lower classes – in health care and tax refunds. He wants to use government programs – taxes, rebates, mandatory programs – to make sure everyone gets a more equitable size of the pie. He calls this a trickle up plan – that if the lower classes have a bigger piece of the pie they will stimulate the economy to grow. When questioned whether these policies will shrink the pie, he dismisses the very thought. He is a big government liberal.

Now it’s up to you to decide. Do you think it is more important to grow the pie in hopes that everyone gets a bigger slice down the road? Or that it matters more that everyone gets a more equitable slice right now? Or that bad as things are now, they would be even worse if the pie shrinks. Those aren’t easy decisions, but then again, these aren’t easy times.

What an excellent way of putting it. I write for a living, and I don't think I could have put it better myself.

I'd like to close with a couple of pieces in defense of Sarah Palin. For various reasons, and following various interviews in which journalistic integrity was essentially non-existent, people have made a big point of maligning Sarah Palin. They've claimed that she doesn't have the experience, the intelligence, or the perspective to be a good leader in the unlikely event that something would happen to Senator McCain. There's one op-ed, and one quote from an unlikely source, that should give pause to those who are skeptical of Sarah Palin, yet fair in their outlook. The first is an op-ed from Elaine Lafferty, former editor-in-chief of Ms. Magazine. She's a Democrat, and she's supporting the McCain-Palin ticket. The article is entitled Sarah Palin's a Brainiac, and here's one of the money quotes:

Now by “smart,” I don't refer to a person who is wily or calculating or nimble in the way of certain talented athletes who we admire but suspect don't really have serious brains in their skulls. I mean, instead, a mind that is thoughtful, curious, with a discernable pattern of associative thinking and insight. Palin asks questions, and probes linkages and logic that bring to mind a quirky law professor I once had. Palin is more than a “quick study”; I'd heard rumors around the campaign of her photographic memory and, frankly, I watched it in action. She sees. She processes. She questions, and only then, she acts. What is often called her “confidence” is actually a rarity in national politics: I saw a woman who knows exactly who she is.

That, folks, is called "integrity". The other quote, from another unlikely source, comes from Saturday Night Live Executive Producer Lorne Michaels. Some of you may remember that Governor Palin was on SNL a couple of weeks ago, and I was surprised to see the following quote from Michaels:

"I think [Sarah] Palin will continue to be underestimated for a while. I watched the way she connected with people, and she's powerful. Her politics aren't my politics. But you can see that she's a very powerful, very disciplined, incredibly gracious woman. This was her first time out and she's had a huge impact. People connect to her.

These two things are precisely what I've perceived from Governor Palin since she was introduced mere months ago to the national political scene. Not only is this a lady who's generated a number of impressive accomplishments during her relatively brief time in office, but she's a gracious and intelligent woman who's not putting up an act. And at the risk of alienating voters by comparing the McCain-Palin ticket to the Bush-Cheney ticket of several years prior, that's one of the things that I've liked most about President Bush. With President Clinton, you never knew what he was really thinking behind that calculated, smooth, charismatic exterior; and I see a lot of that from Senators Obama and Biden, who appear to say one thing to one group of people, and the exact opposite to another - particularly when they think they're not being recorded. With President Bush, even when I disagreed with him (and there were plenty of times, just as there are and will be plenty of times when I disagree with John McCain), I was always pretty confident that President Bush wasn't lying to me. That's what I see out of John McCain, who has a proven record of straight talk, and Sarah Palin, who I believe is quickly generating the same type of record for herself (on a national level - I think she already has that reputation in Alaska). It's part of the reason why I'm confident in this ticket, and in my choice to support it.

Alright, folks, that's it for today. Check in tomorrow for AMF, and have a great day.