Wrap It Up

This is almost entertaining.

(Reuters) -- The consumers group best known for rating cars and washing machines has turned its testing prowess to condoms to find out which ones measure up best and how other birth control methods compare.

The nonprofit Consumers Union says in a new guide to contraception that the seven top types of condom they studied did not burst despite vigorous testing, and all models met international standards.

But results showed that the top brand, able to take the most punishment, was the Durex Extra Sensitive Lubricated Latex, according to the report.

Other top-performers include the Durex Performax Lubricated, Lifestyles Classic Collection Ultra Sensitive Lubricated and TheyFit Lubricated.

A melon-colored model distributed by Planned Parenthood performed the worst, bursting during a test in which the latex condoms were filled with air. (Emphasis added)

And what story would be complete without the money shot?

The group says its review of contraceptives was not politically motivated, although there is an intense debate among health professionals and advocacy groups about the focus on abstinence-only education by the Bush administration.

"Uh, yeah. The study wasn't politically motivated or anything, but did you hear that the Bush administration is promoting abstinence-only sex ed? That's like, totally wrong, because, y'know, people should have as much sex with as many people as they possibly can. You wouldn't buy a car without driving it, would you? Well, like, yeah, you totally wouldn't!"

At any rate, I'm somehow not surprised that Planned Parenthood gives out cheap condoms. After all, if it breaks, every woman has the right, no, the duty to get an abortion. Right?