A Warning Sign
A warning sign
I missed the good part, then I realised
I started looking and the bubble burst
I started looking for excuses
Come on in
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign
When the truth is, I miss you
Yeah the truth is, that I miss you so
- Coldplay, "Warning Sign"
Well, it's started. I already want to call her. I already want to call, and apologize for hurting her, and see if she'd be willing to give things another try. I want to tell her how much I want to see her, and how I wish she'd still come to visit in March. I want to tell her that I miss her, like I always did.
Unfortunately, I can't help thinking of the inevitable follow-up question. "Would it solve anything?" If I asked her if she wanted to try again, would she resent me for hurting her? Would I continue to resent her for neglecting me? Would I resent her more if she continued to neglect me? Would we be more open, or would we be more guarded?
Is it my prerogative to try to change her? If I do so, do I really care about her for her, or do I care about her for who I want her to be?
Maybe I could get her to pay more attention. Maybe I could get her to sacrifice buying a couple of shirts in order to buy a phone card. Maybe I could get her to spend ten minutes before bed each night writing, and then mail a letter once a week. But it wouldn't change the other things. It wouldn't stop her from dying her hair purple, or ginger, or any other color that's not hers. It wouldn't stop her from wanting to put more silly, meaningless tattoos on her soft white skin. It wouldn't instill a love of God in her soul, or a love of freedom from the tyranny of a dangerously potent government. Those are things I can't condition; they're things that I can't teach, but they're things that I can't imagine living without in a companion.
Knowing those things doesn't stop me missing her, and wanting to be with her, and wanting to learn more about her, and help her grow; and wanting that doesn't change the fact that there were so many things that separated us. The distance was the easy part.
And nobody knows
What's gonna happen tomorrow
So don't let go
Now we've come this far
- Duran Duran, "What Happens Tomorrow"
2 Comments:
Hello friend.
I think that its a fairly normal reaction upon breaking up to miss the other person. And if someone could explain to me why after you break up you only really remember the good things about the relationship, then maybe the cosmos would align a little bit better. But I guess thats just how things go. I wish things would have worked out the way you wanted them too, because I want you to be happy. I am glad I got to talk to you the other night. Our conversations as of late are far and few between, but I enjoy each and every one of them. I am glad we have been friends for so long. Chin up and cheer up. And hopefully this will turn out to be for the best.
Actually, I mostly remember the bad things about someone after I break up with them. Particularly with my ex-girlfriend "Mudflap" from my senior year of high school. I think part of it is that I've tended to date girls who are either clinically insane, or insane but undiagnosed. Maybe I have a predatory tendency to attack the "weakest prey"?
Anyway, I do remember a lot of the good things about her, but I also remember the bad, and I wonder if there might be some room for redemption there, for both of us. Ehhh, who knows; it's all bollocks, right?
Post a Comment
<< Home