17 August 2005

Backwards in Africa

Here are just a few reasons why Live 8 wasn't the solution to deliver Africa from all its problems.

Parts of Cameroon are so gripped by a beer company's promotion that they've taken to using bottle caps as currency, as the bottle caps can be redeemed for prizes.

In Kenya, maize corn crops are being destroyed by porcupines. The infestation has gotten so bad that the animals are burrowing into cemeteries and exhuming human remains. Last time I checked, debt relief wouldn't solve a porcupine infestation.

And let me ask you a completely serious, absolutely objective question: do you think that South African men are really avoiding condom use because they're carrying too much meat and the condoms don't fit? South African men making excuses not to wear condoms can't be solved by debt relief. When enough people make excuses against wearing condoms that Durex has to try selling magnums in order to reverse the trend, the problem isn't money. And for what it's worth, you can get a regular condom over the handle of a whiffle bat, so the size issue is ridiculous.

These are just three of the reasons why money is not the problem. The solutions go far beyond debt relief when people are bartering with bottle caps, porcupines are destroying crops as a result of lax pest control, and AIDS is spreading because men are too lazy, proud, and immature to protect themselves and their partners.

But remember, folks: it's all the fault of Western imperialists. Africa was a thriving hotbed of civilization and advanced culture before the evil imperialist colonies were established. Or at least, that's what the blame America first crowd types want you to think.

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