An Evening Surprise

Longtime readers will remember a couple of mentions of my ex-girlfriend from my senior year of high school, not-so-affectionately nicknamed "Mudflap". Tonight I jumped over to my old AIM screen name, and I received a great reminder of just how good a decision it was to break all ties with her. Enjoy.

Mudflap: Are you still in England?
The Fly: Who's this?
Mudflap: Mudflap
The Fly: No kidding.
Mudflap: [last name]
The Fly: Oh, right. I should've known.
Mudflap: your favorite
The Fly: Riiiiiight.
Mudflap: How are you?
The Fly: Ehhh. Fine I guess.
Mudflap: That doesn't sound good
The Fly: *shrug*
Mudflap: What's wrong?
The Fly: LOL
The Fly: Aside from nosey ex-girlfriends, nothing.
Mudflap: I'm not being nosey...a little... just concerned
The Fly: There's nothing to be concerned about.
Mudflap: and curious (also nosey) as to what you've been up to
The Fly: Nothing terribly exciting.
Mudflap: Ok
Mudflap: Are you working?
The Fly: Right now?
Mudflap: no... not this second...just in general
The Fly: Yeah, I am.
Mudflap: trying to figure out what you've been doing
The Fly: Not an easy task.
Mudflap: I noticed
Mudflap: I think you're in the witness protection program
The Fly: LOL
Mudflap: GASP...he laughs
The Fly: That would require having seen something exciting and illegal. You know me better than that.
The Fly: And I laughed earlier, you must have missed it.
Mudflap: haha
Mudflap: yeah sorry
Mudflap: my detective skills aren't so sharp
Mudflap: where are you living?
The Fly: At work, mostly.
Mudflap: can I get a city?
The Fly: Unlikely.
Mudflap: Grrr
Mudflap: Married?
The Fly: To be honest, my life's sort of in a state of flux right now, so where I live today might not be where I live in a month, and where I live in a month probably won't be where I live in 2006.
The Fly: Single.
The Fly: Single, and not looking to rekindle old romances.
Mudflap: I'm engaged
Mudflap: thanks
Mudflap: for the record, no romance
The Fly: I'm not quite sure what that means, but whatever.
Mudflap: I'm not trying to get with you, just wanted to talk
The Fly: Anyway, as fascinating as this has been, I'm gonna go ahead and jump back to another screen name.
Mudflap: you're a piece of ****
The Fly: I'm not a piece of ****. I'm a very special person who's very protective of my privacy.
The Fly: Tell your dad I said hello.

People like The Wife, April, Jake Copper, and Michelle will know from experience that I am extremely upbeat when I'm instant messaging. My experiences with Mudflap from August of 1999 through 2003 are the reason for my short, ambiguous answers to Mudflap's questions. It was that bad. I swear, the girl's bipolar or something; I sure as hell learned a lot about what I don't want in a girlfriend.

Don't believe me? Have a look at a couple of old E-Mails. The first one references a very brief phone call I got from her last July, the day before I left for England.

Hey Fly- I'm sorry to hear you were so "busy" when I called you. I just thought maybe we could of had lunch since I was in town for a couple weeks, but that's fine that you didn't want to go. I just thought maybe after all these years we could be adults and talk, but apparently you're not ready to accept that concept. Anyway, I'm back in North Carolina now, you know the REAL world. You need to get out of [Northwestern state] man, there are so many things for you out here.

-Mudflap

My reply was something to the effect of:

Mudflap,

As of Friday I work at the following company. [link to company website] I was busy packing to leave the country. Please leave me alone, and stop trying to start arguments with me.

- Fly

To which she replied:

Fly-

I wasn't trying to start an argument with you. I just thought it would have been nice to have lunch before I went back to North Carolina. Anyway, England huh? Wow, how'd you get involved with that? My mom is there right now on a business trip. She loves it. My sister's boyfriend lives there as well. What exactly will you be doing? I'm happy for you, I wish you the best of luck.

-Mudflap

P.S. If you ever get the urge to write:

[her address]

I never replied to that one. See? Bipolar much?

I hope you've enjoyed a look at my dysfunctional relationship with an ex-girlfriend her on Fly Anti-Romance Theater.