Hugo Chavez is Paranoid

Oh, come on, he can't be serious.

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez said Friday he has documentary evidence that the United States plans to invade his country.

Chavez, interviewed on ABC's "Nightline," said the plan is called "Balboa" and involves aircraft carriers and planes. A transcript of the interview was made available by "Nightline."

He said U.S. soldiers recently went to Curacao, an island off Venezuela's northwest coast. He described as a "lie" the official U.S. explanation that they visited Curacao for rest and recreation.

"They were doing movements. They were doing maneuvers," Chavez said, speaking through a translator.

He added: "We are coming up with the counter-Balboa plan. That is to say if the government of the United States attempts to commit the foolhardy enterprise of attacking us, it would be embarked on a 100-year war. We are prepared."

A hundred year war. Riiiiight.

Allow me to explain something, folks. Part of the fallout of the two World Wars is that the United States maintains an invasion plan of pretty much every country on the planet. These plans are updated as needed to reflect changes in geography, politics, military strength, et cetera. I can guarantee you that there is a constantly shifting and updating plan to invade Venezuela, just like there's a plan to invade South Africa, or Bangladesh, or Switzerland.

I can also guarantee you that some military personnel going to Curacao was purely recreational. When Americans are doing preparatory operations, like Exercise Sea Soldier III, people know it. If we were getting ready to invade Venezuela, everyone would know it well in advance.

Seriously. Venezuela? Who would waste their time invading a country like Venezuela? Hugo Chavez is a moron.