12 November 2005

On Being Carried

I really can't stand the Beatles; I think their songs are best when they're not being performed by the Beatles themselves. I once downloaded their version of Helter Skelter, and found it to be completely inferior to the version performed by the Pontiff and his Cardinals. I have to say, though, that they got part of their lyrics right: I had a little help from my friends.

It's been a rough week. It's been a third straight rough week. The waiting game on a job has shifted, but I'm still waiting; and I'm waiting on my dad, whose counsel I'm seeking about the immediate future. My knee is still bugging me from yesterday's four mile walk. There are residual issues and information about F3 that must be processed and addressed or worked through. Of my $3500 in the bank, I'm going to owe $1100 of it to the government, which means that I have to compensate for the insufficient accounting of others by doing some creative accounting and financial planning on my own.

To top it all off, I got a call this afternoon informing me that I didn't need to come in to work this evening, as the office would be closing at 17:00 for Veterans' Day. I can appreciate that, but that's money I won't earn. To add insult to injury, I'm on call, which means that I probably won't earn any additional money, and my Friday night is being spent confined to an empty house.

But I'm alright. Why? Because my friends take care of me. I watched a little television, and was all set to watch the first half of the pilot episode of Firefly; after a few minutes of watching it, I was interrupted with a call from Michelle, who is indeed lovely and talented in spite of the protestations of the loveable but ignorant Poosh. While I was still on the phone with Michelle, I got a returned phone call from Mormon Buddha, who I'd called earlier regarding his comment (I'm not going to look it up and link to it, you can find it yourselves). About an hour and a half later, the two conversations being over, I came back into my room. At this point, I'm tired, but I'm having a great conversation with Sarah Canuck and, defying the laws of physics and coolness, I'm watching How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, which I originally saw on the occasion of the day after Saint Valentine's Day with April. Why am I watching it? Probably because it reminds me of April, someone who I trust, and who I know cares about me. It's made easier by the fact that the really painful first half of the movie was already over when I flipped to it.

Interestingly enough, and unbeknownst to me until this particular viewing, one of the minor roles in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days was played by Thomas Lennon, best known for playing the role of Lieutenant Jim Dangle in Reno 911!.

Life sucks right now. My knee hurts. The government gets even more of my money, which they'll probably piss away on freeloaders and the outlandish paycheck for my idiot Congressman. I'm waiting for the next door to open for me. I realized today that I'm beyond the point in my life where I'm in a position to date just for fun (I had intended to post the conversation with CCG where I came to this conclusion, but I accidentally closed the window without saving it). Things just seem to keep getting more and more grim. I don't remember my life being worse than it's been in the last few weeks; but I'm doing better.

My friends have carried me in the last few weeks. Some of them are reading this post. I'm not sure whether The Wife, or Michelle, or M@, or Big and Mrs. Red, Father Time, Sneaky Pete, or half a dozen others really comprehend how much I appreciate them; or that when and if I can do anything to reciprocate the amazing things they do for me, that all they have to do is say the word.

Life sucks, but I'm going to move on, and I'm going to figure things out; I've already started the process. Nights like this are tough; but I'm being carried, by the people who care about me, and by God (you knew it was coming, calm down), and as lousy as I feel lately, that's an inspiring thing. It gives me strength to keep getting up in the morning. It gives me strength to keep fighting through the tedium. It gives me strength to do what I can to make it better.

I'm going to bed, folks. Stay tuned, because great things are yet to come.

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