AMF: Open Letter to Rod Stewart

I was busy last night. Even if I hadn't been, my AMF plan for this week was already established, and it's simple: an open letter to Rod Stewart.

To Rod Stewart:

Nobody wants your body, and nobody thinks you're sexy. Nobody really needs you, and no one intends to reach out and touch you. You were creepy looking in the seventies and eighties, and you're washed up and ridiculous looking now. Especially that hairstyle of yours. What did you do, have some blind guy glue a bird's nest to your head?

You haven't had a decent song in... Well, actually, you've only had a couple of decent songs, ever, and those were only borderline decent. The best song that you were ever associated with took Sting and Bryan Adams to make it cool. Think about that for a second, Rod: Bryan Adams is cooler than you are. Bryan Adams. If Bryan Adams knocked on my door, I'd quiet down and pretend that I wasn't home. Bryan Adams is cooler than you. That's pathetic. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Oh, and let's not forget: you're incontinent. There's nothing cool, sexy, or impressive about soiling oneself, Rod. Seriously.

Where am I going with this? It's simple: please ask Bob FM to stop playing "Young Turks" all the time. If I were you, I wouldn't even take credit for having written that piece of trash, let alone perform it at concerts. It's like musical apostasy.

Good luck with the incontinence. If I see any coupons for Depends, I'll be sure to drop them in the mail for you.

Cordially,
The Fly

Have a great weekend, folks!