You Shouldn't Fart

Have a look at this nonsense.

Dear Miss Manners,

Let's say someone passes gas. They say, "Excuse me." Do you say, "You are excused"? My wife does this … I find it strange.

Gentle Reader,

Miss Manners has something even stranger for you: Etiquette's way of dealing with things that shouldn't happen is to pretend that they didn't.

So you—or, rather, that unfortunate "someone"—need not say, "Excuse me." And you are right that the response of "You are excused" has an unnecessarily imperious feel to it, as if you could equally well have refused.

Admittedly, the definition of things that shouldn't happen is arbitrary. Passing gas meets the definition, although, oddly enough, burping does not—unless you are doing it on purpose, in which case stop that this very minute.

Shouldn't happen? I find it rather asinine that passing gas "shouldn't happen". I'll agree with her that intentional belching in a setting that requires manners is inappropriate; however, neither can be stopped completely. Whether I'm alone or in a group, I do what I can to keep my intestinal gases under control, no matter which outlet my body directs them to. If the rear hatch is in such disarray that I can't maintain reasonable control over the release thereof, then I probably shouldn't be in a public setting, eh?

Miss Manners/Prudie often irks me with her arrogant, condescending take on etiquette. This time is no exception.