31 August 2005

Beauty Update

Remember this?

At about 07:40, I saw a couple of attractive young ladies, probably brand new teachers at the school across the street, unloading some stuff for a classroom and struggling with a big purple tub full of stuff. I yelled across the street and asked if I could help; they declined, but before I got back into the house, one of them yelled and said it would be good. I walked over and hauled their massive purple tub, which two of them had struggled with, all the way to the classroom of the really attractive brunette. She didn't seem very interested in me, so I suppose it's a bit of a bust. But really, who cares? I demonstrated my mighty power in front of attractive girls.

According to an inside source, the really attractive brunette is a new first grade teacher, and she's available.

Am I going to act on it? Maybe, maybe not.

Updated Status Report

Remember this post? I'm standing down to FlyCon 4. There's a possibility of an alternative target, but the original contact appears to have receded back out of range.

Better Late than Never

Read this!

Fly-
I'm leaving tomorrow for the Galapagos. The trip has been amazing, we've spent a few days in the city of Quito & a few days outside in some villages. The photography is unbelievable & I'm putting my camera to good use. Sorry I can't bring you back a 16 yr. old beautiful Ecuadorian girl.... haha J.K. The kids down here are adorable, dressed in bright colors & wandering around the streets alone. We've pretty much been treated like royalty, served 7 course meals every day, even the police follow us around in the city & stop traffic for us. I'll fill you in on Incan & Ecuadorian history when I'm back. Take care,
Sister Hippy Chick

Okay, so that's obviously the text of a post card from Ecuador, from a close personal friend of mine, nicknamed Sister Hippy Chick. The catch?

It was "mailed" in January of 2003.

The Ecuadoran "postal service", at least with respect to international mail, consists of people putting their letters and such into a sort of mailbox in the capital. It's on the honor system, and you take as many as you leave, at least in theory. If you're from Germany, you take a couple of post cards or letters back to Germany. You get the idea.

So finally, yesterday, someone in Metropolis put the post card from Sister Hippy Chick in an envelope, stamped it, and sent it, and it arrived today. I'd given it up as gone two years ago.

Sweet.

Not So Subtle

I wonder what attributes this girl is trying to advertise. Any ideas?

Race Update

Well, it appears that Manda, spurred on by a pissing match with King Sipidation, has pulled off to an impressive lead in referrals.

Ro-diddly-ole Model

While writing up that last post, I found this archived BBC story about how Ned Flanders has taken the British religious community by storm.

I found the following bit of particular interest.

Links between religion and the Simpsons appear to be growing all the time. After it was announced that Dr Rowan Williams was to be the next Archbishop of Canterbury, a newspaper presented him with a boxful of Simpsons merchandise - he is an avowed fan.

Maybe Archbishop Williams is a better bloke than I've given him credit for, particularly when you consider that the Anglican leaders have really held the American and Canadian churches accountable for their controversial, unorthodox decisions in the last few years. And of course, it reminds me of one of my favorite Flanders moments...

Maude: Oh, Neddy, you almost hit that coffin!
[the family gets out of the car]
Ned: [gasps] Leaping Lazarus! Is this what passes for eternal rest these days? Rod, go get daddy his burying shovel.
Rod: Yay! [runs to the car]
[a little later, the family has buried the tank]
Todd: You sure buried him deep, Daddy.
Ned: Not so deep the Lord can't find him -- and judge him!
Rod: This is the best birthday I ever had.

Best birthday, indeed.

Beauty, Power, Pain, and Money

And it was all before 09:30 PST.

As I mentioned last night, I had to get up early in order to get to work and take care of a couple of things. At about 07:40, I saw a couple of attractive young ladies, probably brand new teachers at the school across the street, unloading some stuff for a classroom and struggling with a big purple tub full of stuff. I yelled across the street and asked if I could help; they declined, but before I got back into the house, one of them yelled and said it would be good. I walked over and hauled their massive purple tub, which two of them had struggled with, all the way to the classroom of the really attractive brunette. She didn't seem very interested in me, so I suppose it's a bit of a bust. But really, who cares? I demonstrated my mighty power in front of attractive girls.

So after that, I went down to work. I gassed up the van, and then went to wash it. Unfortunately, during the first phase of washing (the roof), I was up on a ladder. I slipped, or reached down, or something; I forget what it was that I actually did; however, my thumb rubber wrong against the wooden ladder I was on, jamming a sizable sliver between my thumb and my thumbnail. In the words of Ned Flanders, it hur-diddly-urt like the di-diddly-ickens! I tried digging it out with tweezers. No luck. I tried clipping the nail back, then grabbing at it with tweezers. No luck. Then I clipped the nail back further and dug at it with a needle. I finally got enough of it moved so that I could get a grip on it with the corner of the tweezers, and on the third or fourth attempt I got it out. Now I'll be soaking it in rubbing alcohol a couple of times a day for the next week or so.

At any rate, this put me way behind schedule, so we adjusted our game plan at work, and I took the van through the car wash. I got back to work and grabbed my paycheck. Lo and behold, those seven or eight opportunities to work in the middle of the night paid off, and resulted in the first American paycheck I've ever received that was in excess of one thousand dollars. Now, through frugal living and free room and board from my parents (a temporary situation, ladies, I assure you), I have in excess of $2200 in the bank. Most of it's not what you'd label "disposable income" (as if anything is really disposable), but it's a good start.

So, there you have it. I've done more already than most of you (particularly Lycan) will do all day!

And speaking of today... How in glaven's name is it already Wednesday?

Where's It From?

Well, apparently Flickr is being difficult, so I had to upload this image through Blogger.

I've got stuff to accomplish today, so here's your mission. Identify the image that's attached to this post. The first one to correctly and specifically identify it gets something in the mail from the Fly. There's one person in particular who's prematurely disqualified: Sarah Canuck. She knows why.

Make me proud, folks.

The Decline of American Scholarship

No matter what you think of Bruce Springsteen, this article should prove once and for all that many American academics are clueless, overpaid, and have too much time on their hands.

The life and works of Bruce Springsteen are to be discussed by academics at a conference devoted to the star.

More than 150 papers are being presented at the symposium at Monmouth University in New Jersey, Springsteen's home state, from 9 September.

Discussions include "A Marxist Perspective on Darkness on the Edge of Town" and "The Boss and the Bible".

Organiser Kenneth Womack said the event focused on Springsteen because "he was always shooting for something higher".

The English professor cited Springsteen's lyrics on class and community, and his overt patriotism, as among the reasons he was so worthy of academic debate.

Everybody who reads this blog regularly knows that I'm a devoted follower of Bono and U2, to the degree that I consider Bono to be my spiritual leader in the same standing that Jacob and Billy D consider Benedict XVI to be their spiritual leader.

Do I think that a bunch of academics should be spending their time having a symposium about the collective works, writings, and lyrics of Bono? Not really. Maybe in twenty or thirty years. And, for the record, I've heard Springsteen's lyrics, and I think that Bono's stuff is much deeper and more intellectually worthy than Springsteen's.

An academic symposium on Bruce Springsteen? Come on.

The Old Man Cometh

Good grief. It's 21:00. Nine in the frickin' evening. I have no alcohol in me, and I'm exhausted. I accomplished almost nothing today, save for washing a car, doing some vacuuming, and writing that long post about why oil is so expensive. Oh, and paying a two hour visit to the reigning Matriarch, which was worth every minute.

However, this is the second day in a row that I haven't accomplished my mission. Tomorrow I have to be up and at work early in order to accomplish my work mission within the allotted time. Last night I was in bed at 21:45. The night before, it was 22:15.

I think I'm turning into an old man.

30 August 2005

Short Term Oil Issues

Following up on the long post below, CNN has an article about the short- and long-term effects of Hurricane Katrina on American oil stocks. Apparently before Katrina, an increase in American oil stocks was forecasted. Now that Katrina has temporarily stopped the American oil infrastructure, that bounce in the oil stock isn't going to happen, and a near-term "crisis" may, may, occur. However, it's expected to calm down soon after, and the American economy is still expected to grow by a four percent (vice the original estimate of four-point-six percent) in the third quarter of this year.

Is it a major bump? Arguably. Is it a long-term issue? Probably not. You also have to keep in mind that, as horrible as this disaster is, it will probably encourage the economy in the long run. What will be needed? Construction. Restoration. New infrastructure, and I mean power poles, power lines, buildings, houses, repairs to the Superdome, ad infinitum. And the oil infrastructure will be repaired, and it will be brought back online, and things will stabilize. And we should still implement the changes that I proposed, because they would alleviate the adverse nationwide damage that disasters like this cause.

Another thing I'd like to mention that I missed in the big post, that's worth noting as a passing statement, regards all those foreign oil refineries. As the situation stands, they're allegedly refining oil at full capacity. Assuming you could continue production at full capacity indefinitely, which you can't due to things like routine maintenance and incidental equipment failures, you could keep the production up. I already mentioned that the Middle East, and various other areas where we import oil from, are unstable, and subject to less-than-full capacity production. If they have equipment failure, that reduces production. When they go down for maintenance, that reduces production. This, in turn, reduces the supply, and the simple equation of decreased supply plus constant or increased demand means? Say it with me: "A price increase."

So, there you go. Big issue. I'll probably keep hitting on it in the coming months.

Because I Still Can

I've said it before, and since I know she's reading today, I'm going to say it again.

Hey Sara... How you doin'?

A Big Oily Mess

I could do a coherent, engineered essay on gas prices, but it'll be simpler just to put a bunch of bulleted items up to help everybody understand why the gas situation is so complicated.

  • Oil is traded on U.S. currency. What's this mean? That it's bought and sold on a dollar rate, as opposed to pounds sterling, or euros, or rocks. When the dollar declines in value, as it has declined in value over the last year and a half (due largely to deficit spending), it takes more dollars to buy a barrel of oil, and that translates into higher prices at the pump.
  • Additional elements to the economic situation include artificial currency overvaluation by the European Union. The European economy is absolutely, positively depressed. Countries like Greece are guilty of falsifying their economic records in order to qualify for European Union membership, many European nations (England being the notable exception) have double digit unemployment and shrinking economies, and yet the Euro is supposed to be higher than the dollar? Nonsense, but the Euro is still artificially inflated to twenty-two cents more than the dollar. China is also guilty of artificial currency manipulation of both their own currency and the dollar, though as you'll see from that link, they've taken at least one step in the last six weeks to discontinue some of these practices.
  • Contrary to popular belief, sport utility vehicles are not part of the problem. Automobiles account for only about forty percent of American fuel consumption, and we're not really driving more. Translation: the increase in fuel prices doesn't have anything to do with increased demand from Americans.
  • Fuel prices would be a bit lower, and more stable, if America had a greater capacity for refining crude oil. Why don't we have this capacity? Because American laws and regulations are so hostile to the construction of new oil refineries that there haven't been any new refineries constructed since the Carter Administration. Thanks, Jimmy!
  • Because we don't have enough of our own oil refining capacity, we're reliant on oil refineries everywhere else. These refineries are in places like the Middle East and Nigeria. We all know that the Middle East is unstable, and that places like oil refineries and pipelines get attacked because they're the manifestation of American hegemony and imperialism, or some other such propaganda from al Qaeda/MoveOn.org. Nigeria is also experiencing a protracted civil war (In Africa? Shocking!). When a refinery can't run at full capacity, for any reason, they produce less refined petroleum, and prices go up.
  • Last year, American oil importation/processing in Florida, the Caribbean, and the Gulf of Mexico was disrupted by a series of four hurricanes, leading to a jump in prices. This week, Hurricane Katrina disrupted importation/processing in Florida, the Caribbean, and the Gulf of Mexico, which will likely result in at least a temporary jump in prices. How long this increase will last is anybody's guess, and it's dependent upon how long the oil infrastructure takes to get back up to full capacity.
  • If there isn't an increased American demand on oil, then where's the increased demand coming from? China and India. China in particular is industrializing like it's going out of style, and just like every American factory that makes plastic or refined metal or whatever, the process and the manufactured items require lubricating oil and fuel. Where does it come from? Oil. If the oil is in demand by the Chinese and the Indians, what happens to the price of petroleum on the international market? Say it with me now: "It goes up."
  • In addition, you've got the thugs at OPEC seizing an opportunity to make more money. We've got allies, and OPEC knows that it's in their best interest not to jerk us around too much; but at the same time, they're like your local phone company, or cable company, or garbage company. They know that you need their oil as much as they need your money, and since the enforcers of international law (the United Nations, International Criminal Court, World Bank, International Monetary Fund, et cetera) essentially enforce their laws through the carrot, and not the stick, they require member submission and cooperation to get anything done. Translation? We've got OPEC by the nuts, but they've got us by the nuts to the same degree.

    Bottom line? There are what Southern economic experts classify as a "shit ton" of reasons why oil prices have increased, and very few of them have much to do with what Americans or the American government are doing. Very little has changed here; most of the factors are external ones that we can only observe or anticipate, and then be reactive or proactive to.

    Okay, so what aren't the solutions?

  • Artificially fixing the price of oil, like the state of Hawaii is doing, is a bad move. This prevents people from adjusting their lives, the demand for fuel actually increases relative to the supply, and shortages ensue. This leads to gas lines like we saw in the late 1970's under the Carter Administration.
  • Reducing the national speed limit, like the Carter Administration did, is also not a solution. As I said a couple of weeks ago about the "energy bill" that increased the length of daylight saving time, this type of adjustment to this type of issue, while not bad in theory, doesn't do anything to actually solve the problem. It's completely reactive, and not at all proactive. It doesn't help in the long run.
  • I'll discuss alternative sources of energy in the next section. The alternative energy sources that are not the solution, at least not yet, are some of the sources that environmentalists have an absolute chubby for. Hydrogen is not the answer, as it requires more energy to create than it produces, and most of that energy comes from, where else, fossil fuels. Solar power isn't the solution, as it isn't yet efficient enough to be used en masse to provide energy (though in some areas it can be a cost-saving way to provide heat for homes). Wind power, which kills birds and doesn't provide a drastic savings in energy costs, is also not the solution.
  • Releasing oil from the strategic oil reserve, as Senator Kerry suggested during the debate in order to make President Bush look bad, is absolutely not the solution. Not only is that fuel eremarked for military use in the case of an absolute catastrophe (read: our last line of defense), the release of that fuel would reduce the price of gas at the pump by about one cent. President Clinton did it in the 1990's, and it took quite a while to rebuild the supply, which actually increases the price of gas in the long run since there's one more massive mouth sucking at the teat of a limited resource. Translation: almost negligible short term gain, long term increase in overall demand.
  • And, obviously, doing nothing wouldn't help anything.

    So, what are some things that could be done to help alleviate the increase in fuel prices? Here are just a few.

  • We should reduce deficit spending. The Bush tax cuts were the right thing to do, and they've stimulated both small and big businesses. It needs to be coupled with reductions in spending. It may be unpopular in the short term, but it would help immensely for empty, bloated spending programs like the National Endowment for the Arts, public broadcasting, et cetera to be downsized or eliminated. If I remember correctly (I heard this on the radio, so I don't have a link to give you), we give the same amount of money to public broadcasting that we give to the United Nations. We could stand to reduce our empty contributions to the U.N. (particularly in light of the complete circle jerk that is the Oil-for-Food scandal, and the U.N. investigation of the same) and we could stand to drastically reduce the budget for public broadcasting, particularly when a minority of the population watches/listens to it, and when the best they can give us is Jim Lehrer and Sesame Street. Pork barrel spending also needs to go, and whether it's President Bush or some Republican senator or some Democrat, somebody needs to start cleaning up the mess. My money is not better spent by some jackass Georgia congressman allocating it to a museum to peaches or something. If we could eliminate the empty, inefficient government spending (read: waste), and hold our elected officials accountable for how they spend our money, this would have the direct effect of increasing the value of the dollar. Since oil is purchased on the dollar, this would reduce the number of dollars per barrel we pay for oil, thus decreasing the price of fuel.
  • We should continue pressuring the European Union and the Chinese government to end their artificial currency manipulations. Europe in particular should be encouraged to institute conservative economic reforms, because their economic woes are directly tied to their overwhelmingly anti-business regulations. Europe's lousy economy is fixable, but it takes real economic leadership, not the same old socialistic nonsense. The situation with the Chinese, our strategic opponents and economic rivals, is much more politically complicated. The point, though, is that artificial currency overvaluation by foreign entities is unfair, and reduces the perceived value of the dollar additionally when coupled with the aforementioned deficit spending; it should be highly discouraged, even if it takes strong political action.
  • America needs more sources of oil that belong directly to us, no one else. This means drilling in the Alaskan National Wildlife Refuge (which all responsible studies have shown will have zero effect on the environment in the area), more off-shore drilling, et cetera. We need to find more exploitable sources of petroleum and natural gas, period. The more outside sources we have, the less committed we are to buying oil from places like Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Iraq, Iran, Venezuela, Nigeria, Libya, Mauritania, et cetera. The more sources of oil we control, the more OPEC has to play ball with us on crude oil prices.
  • America needs more refineries. We're not only addicted to foreign oil, we're reliant on foreign refineries. Think of it this way: if you get all of your tea from India, what's better, importing it completely finished, or importing the leaves yourself and finishing them yourself? The actual answer is "a little bit of both", but the point is that increasing our own refining capacity would reduce the price of petroleum.
  • We need to increase our fuel efficiency. We're not there yet, but these gasoline/electric hybrid cars are a start. They're not good enough yet for mass use; they have a habit of stalling at high speeds, and they're still confined to those little dorkmobiles like the Prius and the Civic GX. Put the engineers on it. If American engineers can put a man on the Moon, they can eventually figure out highly fuel efficient vehicles. Until now, it hasn't been extremely politically/economically timely to do it, because it wasn't a big issue. Now it is, and there's a helluva lot of money to be made by doing it.
  • America needs to start using alternative sources of energy; though some areas get reliable energy from hydroelectric power, most of America's energy needs are met by plants that burn fossil fuels. If hydrogen, wind, and solar energy aren't the solution, then what is? I'm talking about safe, clean, efficient nuclear fission power, which American plants have produced almost without incident for nearly half a century. And if you need further proof, check out the U.S. Navy's submarine force, which has been using nuclear-powered warships for forty-six years without a single incident. In fact, there are new reactor designs that are extremely safe and efficient, and produce a fraction of the waste. We should also continue developing nuclear fusion, which is even safer than fission. And what's the environmental benefit of nuclear energy? All it releases into the atmosphere is harmless steam, which dissipates quickly - no greenhouse gases. Furthermore, the waste dividend of conventional nuclear fission is so nasty, it has to be properly isolated and contained. Other sources, like fossil fuel burning, aren't nasty enough to necessitate the kind of environmental responsibility that nuclear fission requires. In the long run, nuclear fission is better for the environment.

    Boiled down to the bare bones, there are three factors that control the price of petroleum at home and abroad:

  • The value of the dollar; the currency we use, and that is used to trade oil, is currently devalued against various foreign currencies, so oil prices would decline for Americans if an aggressive, responsible economic policy was introduced. Also, foreign entities need to be discouraged from artificially manipulating their currencies, as this has a further impact on the price of crude oil.
  • Foreign oil sources and refineries, particularly those in unstable countries and regions; these need to be bypassed by securing new sources of oil and building new domestic oil refineries.
  • Overall reliance on oil; this can be reduced through vehicles that are more fuel efficient, but the real way to alleviate this pressure is by developing alternative energy sources, notably nuclear plants.

    As long as oil is the solution to friction, we will never get rid of our need for the stuff. We can, however, take steps to change the value of the dollar, and we can take steps to both reduce our overall reliance on oil, particularly foreign oil, and we can change the way we use oil in the first place.

    Overall, though, we still pay a lot less for oil than most Western nations. As much of an aggravation as this is, oil is still cheaper when adjusted for inflation than it was during the early 1980's, we still don't have the issue that we had under the Carter administration. This is not yet a "crisis".

    Bottom line overall? There are no short term solutions. These are all long-term solutions to a problem that has been coming for years, and many of these measures should have been instituted during the Carter Administration when America's initial gas crisis occurred. It would be nice if they were instituted now, because even if this situation is short-lived, it will happen again. These solutions require bi-partisan support; the political dividend, even for Democrats who seek the support of the "green" folks, would be the opportunity to say "I was part of the solution to the problem of high gasoline prices." Even if Senator Kerry or Senator Kennedy claimed this, if they had been onboard with the legitimate and necessary reforms necessary to make these solutions possible, I'd acknowledge it.

    There you have it, folks. More thoughts? Post 'em.
  • Red Alert! Red Alert!

    Red Alert! Red Alert! Attention, ladies and gentlemen and all the ships at sea, this is a special announcement!

    JACOB COPPER, THE VATICAN WATCHER, HAS A DATE!

    Please adjust yourselves accordingly. That is all.

    Graduate Life

    I spent five years in college, got what should amount to two degrees, and what does it get me? An hour of Saved by the Bell, an hour of MacGyver, and half an hour of Happy Days.

    Ehhh!

    Space Watch: Enceladus

    BBC News has an article about Cassini's finding regarding Enceladus. Go have a look.

    Likud Shakeup

    It looks like there's dissension in the ranks.

    JERUSALEM (CNN) -- Benjamin Netanyahu, the former Israeli finance minister who left the government in protest of the disengagement plan, says he will challenge Prime Minister Ariel Sharon for the Likud party leadership.

    Netanyahu -- who made his announcement Tuesday during a nationally televised Tel Aviv news conference -- lashed out at Sharon, saying he has spurned the principles of Likud.

    "The Likud today needs a leader who can unify the ranks, rehabilitate the ruins, and lead the Likud to victory, and who will then lead the state in the spirit of our principles," he said.

    Netanyahu, 55, said he believes he is up to the task.

    "Therefore, I today announce my candidacy for the leadership of the Likud, and for the premiership."

    It'll be interesting to see how this goes. This no doubt has a lot to do with the Gaza pullout, which Netanyahu opposed fervently. A majority of the Israeli people backed the pullout, though it wasn't an overwhelming majority. I'll do my best to keep abreast of this situation.

    Seal Club

    Note to self: don't let Anachronism go to Westbrook, Maine.

    Venezuelan Publicity Stunt

    It's Je$$e to the rescue!

    CARACAS, Venezuela — The Rev. Jesse Jackson met with President Hugo Chavez in hopes of reducing tensions between the United States and Venezuela after a religious broadcaster called for the leftist president's assassination.

    The U.S. civil rights leader on Monday urged both sides to tone down their "hostile rhetoric," and said President Bush should strongly condemn recent remarks by conservative religious broadcaster Pat Robertson calling for Chavez's assassination.

    Jackson said good relations are in both countries' interests since Venezuela is a top supplier of U.S. oil.

    "I hope that we've done something to facilitate a detente on threatening rhetoric," Jackson said. "We're not going to have an oil war."

    This reminds me of the time Je$$e claimed to have been "invited" to Afghanistan by the Taleban. Or the time Je$$e negotiated for the release of three American POWs during Operation Allied Force.

    Je$$e Jack$on: he's there whenever there's publicity to be had.

    A Question of Bond

    You know, I'm a bigger James Bond fan than most, but I just have to ask: why is he always running around in a tuxedo? Honestly! I mean, every now and again, maybe. However, Timothy Dalton and his buddy in tuxedos, running through a carnival, is not my idea of maintaining a low profile.

    Have any of you ever worn a tuxedo? Not my idea of the perfect ensemble for chasing bad guys. Dockers, special MI6 dress shoes, and a polo shirt? Now you're talking.

    Debate Captains to the Rescue!

    When I need my decisions made for me, I often consult fifteen year old girls.

    MADISON, Connecticut (AP) -- A 15-year-old girl with a Web site, a summer of free time and an astronaut for a hero is trying to solve a 3-year-old dispute over one of NASA's earliest spacesuits.

    The family of pioneering astronaut Gus Grissom has been trying to get NASA to give them .his 1961 Mercury spacesuit. NASA says the suit is government property and an artifact that should be kept at the Astronaut Hall of Fame in Florida.

    Enter Amanda Meyer, space enthusiast and co-captain of her school's debate team. She believes she has a compromise and, after launching an Internet petition drive, has spent the summer writing and calling NASA, the Smithsonian Institution, Congress and anyone else she can think of.

    Meyer says the government doesn't have to give up its claim to the suit but should loan it to the Gus Grissom Memorial, a museum in his hometown of Mitchell, Indiana.

    "It just seems fair," Meyer said. "It should be in his museum because that's where he would want it."

    I'm supposed to believe that a fifteen year old girl knows enough about Gus Grissom to be able to say unequivocally where he'd want his space suit displayed? I'm sorry if I come off as a heartless ass for even saying this, but this is the most ridiculous load of crap I've heard in a long time, and I read the BBC almost daily. Honestly!

    Meyer heard about the dispute in February, after she sent Scott Grissom a copy of a school essay she wrote about his father. When Scott Grissom phoned, Amanda's mother was so excited she pulled Amanda out of school to return the call. Since that call, Meyer has worked to get the spacesuit moved.

    "Gus Grissom is my hero," Meyer said. "I'd like to see his memory commemorated the way it should be."

    As the school year waned, she pledged to spend summer on the issue. Through her Web site and petition drives outside a grocery store, she says she has collected about 2,000 signatures.

    "She's persistent," said NASA spokesman George H. Diller.

    I realize that she's only fifteen, but if a whole summer, a website, and sitting outside a grocery store only gets you two thousand signatures, people don't care. The bottom line is that, like the Apollo modules, the moon rocks, and everything else that went up on those missions, belongs to the government, not in someone's private collection. (Excepting personal items like pictures, wristwatches, et cetera, of course.)

    Am I a fan of government seizures of property, like the guy whose family collection of letters to and from various Confederate leaders and officers was seized a week or two ago after he tried to auction it off? Of course not. That's not the situation here. The space suit is in the hands of the Federal Government, and specifically the Smithsonian. That's where it belongs, and as far as I'm concerned, some fifteen year old girl's essay about her "hero" Gus Grissom doesn't qualify her in any way to be the catalyst for changing that.

    29 August 2005

    Life Imitates Art... Sorta

    From The Simpsons:

    Stealing, stealing, stealing a car for Moe! Da da da dah da da da dah,
    insurance fraud today!
    - Homer

    So, how does life imitate art? Well, I received word that someone I was once acquainted with has been indicted on several charges of insurance fraud. Looks like he's going to the big house, to be followed by a long and lucrative career in Congress.

    Monday Homily

    "Well, two years, and finally we make it down the end of the yellow brick road tob Sydney Australia. Welcome to ZooTV ya'll. Well we've DV walls, video walls CDI, DVE, the miracle of chromakey, the latest and greatest in software, hardware, and men's wear. We got it all here, so we're going live to the planet tonight, so let's hope this shit works. Let's see what we got on TV. On cue! Aww... No it'd be great when it's finished. What is this, soap operas? The accent changes but the script sounds the same, to me. Next... Next... Mmm... They got balls, bats, poncy shoes. Might be a rock and roll band, his is a rock and roll show."
    - Pontifex Maximus, 1993

    Most Faithful Readers

    I'd just like to take this opportunity to recognize Manda and King Sipidation, who have both broken the eight hundred hit mark in the last few days. While I'm sure that one or two people have found me through their sites, and clicked their links, most of the hits are undoubtedly from the two of them. Aside from Google, Manda's my top referrer, but King Sip's only behind by six posts, and I wouldn't be surprised if he jumps to second place at some point during the week.

    Thanks for paying attention, folks.

    Soft Asian Glow

    It looks like there's been a major find in southeast Asia by Australia.

    Australian nuclear experts working to prevent a "dirty bomb" attack by terrorists have found large unsecured sources of dangerous radioactive material in southeast Asia, a report said Monday.

    A team from the Australian Nuclear Science and Technology Organisation (ANSTO) discovered enough loose material to contaminate the heart of a major city, the Australian newspaper reported.

    At one site a "substantial" piece of cobalt used for cancer therapy had been found abandoned after a radiation centre was closed.

    A conventional bomb wrapped around a small stick of cobalt could contaminate a large area of a city, dramatically boost cancer rates and force residents out for decades, scientists say.

    "There are two countries where we have located quite large sources," ANSTO's chief of operations, Ron Cameron, told the paper. He declined to identify the countries until the material had been properly secured.

    I'm guessing that this means that all the Iraqi yellowcake uranium that they found among scrap metal in Rotterdam is probably better off in Western Europe than it was in Iraq, eh? It's a good thing the media never talks about that! That'd be too honest, and it would show people that terrorism is a legitimate threat, particularly from (former) state sponsors of terror like Iraq!

    Invasion!

    It looks like the Democratic Republic of Congo is the newest African trouble spot.

    Renegade Congolese rebel leader Gen Laurent Nkunda has threatened to re-invade eastern Democratic Republic of Congo to bring "peace" to the area.

    In June last year he jeopardised DR Congo's shaky peace process when he briefly seized the town of Bukavu.

    In a 17-page letter, extracts of which were published in the Congolese newspaper Le Potentiel, he accused the government of promoting ethnic hatred.

    Meanwhile, the army has confirmed some of its men in the east have defected.

    Correspondents in the area say an estimated 1,000 soldiers, who speak Kinyarwanda - the language spoken by the ethnic Banyamulenge whom Gen Nkunda claims to be fighting for - have gathered in Masisi, North Kivu province.

    It may seem a bit calloused to say it, but here goes: if you want to prove yourself as a philologist, then take up the study of African languages. If you can so much as pronounce the word "Kinyarwanda" or "Banyamulenge", you've got my vote for philologist of the year.

    The Rich Get Poorer

    Here's another great reason not to live in France.

    French President Jacques Chirac has said his government will take steps to introduce a tax on air tickets next year to fund additional aid for Africa.

    In a speech to ambassadors on Monday, Mr Chirac also said France and other countries would propose a worldwide tax at a UN summit in September.

    Correspondents say the French president has been urging other world leaders to impose a levy for some time.

    In May, the EU agreed in principle to a voluntary tax on air travel.

    However, only France, Belgium and Germany have said they will introduce a compulsory tax, while Malta, Cyprus and Ireland will give passengers a choice as to whether or not they pay it.

    Jan Egeland, the head of United Nations humanitarian operations, who suggested that Western nations tax their citizens so that they could give more tsunami relief to terrorist enablers like Indonesia, probably reached spontaneous orgasm when he heard this news.

    Binaural, Track 3

    It looks like Zarqawi might make a run for the border.

    A top US general has said al-Qaeda's leader in Iraq, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, will try to relocate to the Horn of Africa if Iraq is stabilised.

    Major-General Douglas Lute cited Yemen, Somalia, Sudan and Ethiopia as likely "safe havens" for jihadists.

    He said that "vast ungoverned spaces" of east Africa were likely to appeal to Zarqawi's insurgents as operations in Iraq and Afghanistan become difficult.

    US troops based in Djibouti already aim to stop infiltration from the Red Sea.

    "There will come a time when Zarqawi will face too much resistance in Iraq and will move on," Maj Gen Lute said.

    This is pretty much the same thing that bin Laden did when he was kicked out of Sudan in the late 1990's. Afghanistan's "government", the Taleban, had little military control over the entirety of the country, and they were sympathetic to bin Laden's cause. We all know that Sudan's an absolute mess, dominated by genocidal Islamists in many areas; and for those of you who hadn't heard, there's no such thing as government in Somalia these days.

    When things in Iraq calm down, and they will, I can absolutely see Zarqawi and his remaining goons jumping into the lawless power vacuum that is the Horn of Africa. There's hope for the region, but as you've come to see from the recent news, the whole thing's a massive quagmire (and legitimately, this time) for the time being.

    Finding Allies

    Here's an example of how an Islamic republic, feared by the ill-informed, can forge strong ties with former enemies, particularly former enemies whose religious majority holds different beliefs.

    Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh has laid the foundation stone for a new Afghan parliament building in Kabul on the second day of a historic visit.

    On Sunday, Mr Singh and Afghan president Hamid Karzai inaugurated a school renovated by India.

    The two sides pledged to fight against terrorism describing it as a threat against democracy.

    Mr Singh is the first Indian prime minister to visit Afghanistan in nearly three decades.

    The war-ravaged country is a strategically crucial ally for India which is one of Afghanistan's biggest donors.

    As far as I'm concerned, this is good reason to have faith in the constitutional process in Iraq. Unfortunately, not everyone agrees with Fly.

    Parts of the Iraqi draft constitution are a "recipe for chaos", Arab League Secretary General Amr Moussa has said.

    He told the BBC the Arab League shared Sunni Muslim concerns over federalism and the fact the charter does not identify Iraq as an Arab country.

    The US and UK have played down Sunni leaders' rejection of the text, which will go to a referendum by 15 October.

    About 2,000 Sunnis in Saddam Hussein's home town of Tikrit took to the streets to voice their opposition to the plan.

    Many waved pictures of the former Iraqi leader, and a statement was read out denouncing the constitution as a "Jewish" document that would divide Iraq along sectarian lines.

    With this article, we see the typical solution to any argument in the Middle East: if you can't come up with a legitimate rhetorical counter to something you don't like, blame it on Israel! I'm not terribly concerned about Amr Moussa's reservations, though. For one thing, Iraq isn't an Arab country. It's an Arab and Kurdish country. The Arab Sunnis in Iraq are bound to be displeased with the Constitution. They're not in the majority in Iraq, and they haven't been for centuries. They're going to have to accept that they don't call the shots anymore, and that their best option is to start compromising and forging alliances within the government. Sunni Arabs were discouraged by their leaders from voting in the January election, and it came back to bite them in the ass. Whether they're happy with the Iraqi constitution or not, they won't make the same mistake the next time, and they will learn that their participation in the democratic process will be a crucial element in their future prosperity.

    I maintain my faith that important progress is being made in Afghanistan and Iraq, and I encourage you to either maintain your own faith in the process, or reconsider your skepticism if your faith has declined. This is important stuff, and it's the foundation of peace and freedom in the Middle East.

    Opium Update

    Apparently land being used to cultivate opium in Afghanistan has declined by twenty-one percent. That's good.

    My question, and perhaps someone knows the answer, is this: if opium is used for drugs like morphine, why don't the Western nations help the Afghans turn opium into a cash crop? If these supplies of opium could be redirected toward legitimate pharmaceutical development, it would be a huge victory for Afghanistan.

    Anybody know?

    Harsh Words, but Time for Action

    I'll credit Mahmoud Abbas for this statement...

    BEERSHEBA, Israel — A Palestinian suicide bombing attack in a southern Israeli city raised tensions as Israel pursued its pullout from the Gaza Strip, with Israel demanding tougher action against terrorists and Palestinians blaming Israel for an escalation in violence.

    Two Israeli security guards were critically wounded in the blast outside the central bus station in Beersheba. Their action, keeping the attacker outside the crowded bus station during Sunday morning rush hour, probably prevented him from killing and wounding dozens.

    [...]

    "We condemn such attacks. We don't accept them, and we call on everyone to refrain from retaliation," he said.

    ... but if you ask me, it's time for some action. Abbas credited "the martyrs" with the Israeli withdrawal from Gaza in a recent speech, and he's done little or nothing so far to actually bring Hamas, Islamic Jihad, and the al Aqsa Martyrs Brigade under control. I realize he's got a lot of things to worry about, but his foremost concern should be security. By essentially looking the other way, he's in danger of becoming just as impotent as Kofi Annan, who constantly condemns terror without doing anything to stop it.

    It's time for a little less talk, coupled with decisive work to stop terrorists before they can kill Israelis. And this thing about blaming Israelis for an escalation in violence? Whether it's Abbas saying it or not, it's absolute buffalo biscuits, it's dishonest, and it should stop.

    Hasselhoff Ain't Runnin'

    It's time for a change in Germany. Let's hope that this lady can unseat Gerhard Schroeder.

    BERLIN, Germany (CNN) -- Germany's conservatives have launched the main phase of their election campaign, confirming Angela Merkel as their candidate to unseat leftist Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder in the September 18 poll.

    But the gathering of nearly 10,000 delegates in the western state of North Rhine Westphalia on Sunday sought to steer clear of controversy.

    The state -- Germany's most populous -- had been a stronghold of Schroeder's Social Democrats, but fell to the conservatives in May, prompting Schroeder to call for elections a year early.

    Observers say the American-style media event underlined growing confidence that the election will see Merkel installed as Germany's first woman chancellor.

    From legalized prostitution, to Germany's worst unemployment rates since the fall of the Third Reich, to a complete lack of moral leadership, to corruption in the leadup to the Iraq War, Gerhard Schroeder's had his shot. I very much hope that my Deutsch brethren unseat Schroeder and install Ms. Merkel as Germany's next chancellor.

    Whatchu Talkin' 'Bout, Je$$e?

    Can someone please tell me who asked Je$$e Jack$on for his opinion?

    CARACAS, Venezuela — The Rev. Jesse Jackson offered support for President Hugo Chavez on Sunday, saying a call for his assassination by a U.S. religious broadcaster was a criminal act and that Washington and Venezuela should work out their differences through diplomacy.

    The U.S. civil rights leader condemned last week's suggestion by Pat Robertson that American agents should kill the leftist Venezuelan leader, calling the conservative commentator's statements "immoral" and "illegal."

    Jackson urged U.S. authorities to take action, and said the U.S. government must choose "diplomacy over any threats of sabotage or isolation or assassination."

    "We must choose a civilized policy of rational conversation," he told reporters at a news conference.

    Between Je$$e chiming in on last week's issue, and Al $harpton visiting Cindy Sheehan, the so-called "civil rights leaders" are really doing their best this week to latch onto any high profile issue they can sink their claws into.

    CRAWFORD, Texas (CNN) -- The Rev. Al Sharpton joined hundreds of war protesters camping near President Bush's ranch for an interfaith service Sunday, saying he felt compelled to meet Cindy Sheehan, the grieving mother who started the rally three weeks earlier.

    Compelled my ass! Compelled to be a publicity whore is more like it. Why do I get the feeling that Al and Je$$e represent the black community and civil rights issues about as much as Pat Robertson represents mainstream Christianity?

    Unbelievable.

    Out of Steam

    The week's over. A new week begins tomorrow. I'm going to accomplish my mission this week. I'm going to accomplish my mission every day, each of the six entries on my to do list (Saturday and Sunday being combined into one).

    I'm going to bed. I'll see you tomorrow, folks.

    Another Comedy Classic

    A classic from Reno 911!...

    While showing the junior deputies around the cell blocks...
    "Sorry it smells like jizz in here. That's probably just jizz."
    - Deputy Travis Junior

    Ha!

    Fly on the Loose: Thursday

    You know you've got a blogging problem, and that you're sucking your friends in, when one of them calls you to let you know that you can delete one of his comments if you'd like.

    Thursday night I was off call, and I was still craving the fettucine alfredo that I missed out on Wednesday night. I called M@ to see if he was up for a College City evening. We met up at the Iron Horse, and before M@ even arrived, I had a pint of Guinness on the way. M@ ordered a burger, and this French-named berry beer that I'd tried once before during the Summer of 2003 when my date had ordered the same stuff. I got fettucine alfredo with mushrooms; for what it's worth, the mushrooms were a bad choice, but overall the chow was good.

    M@ brought some Gaelic with him for me to look at; unfortunately, my Arabic is better than my Gaelic, which is to say that the closest I'd ever come to actually studying Gaelic was copying and pasting the Irish Gaelic versions of the Tain bo Cuailnge and Mac Datho's Pig while preparing an update of The Fly's Classical Archive. (More on that another time.) I wanted to consult with M@ about my upcoming expedition to the Old Country, which might not happen under the circumstances I'd originally planned for.

    Eventually we finished after an impromptu conversation with one of M@'s crew coaches, who coincidentally showed up. M@ had a hankering for some gelatto, and we walked the half block or so to the local gelatteria. M@ got lemon sorbetto (water-based, not milk-based) and I got a waffle cone with... Something. Anyway, it was good. We continued discussing the England situation, and came upon the possibility of taking a joint trip over there around Christmas time. We also discussed the location of a couple of things in downtown College City, and set out to see them. Our course took us through the used book store, outside the independent theater, and into a little shopping center that includes College City's most prominent Starbucks location.

    While attempting to show M@ a (now non-existent) shop that sells imported items from Egypt, we were led to question the girl who runs the nerdery next door: a shop specializing in games for middle school kids and long-haired fat men who suffer from a possibly terminal defficiency of female contact. The girl who runs the shop is, unfortunately, married; fortunately, she remembered me from the last time I'd tried unsuccessfully to peruse the Egyptian dealer's stuff. We spent a good fifteen minutes in there, but didn't buy anything. My guess is that she was probably glad to see some sign that life had not gone extinct in the preceding hours.

    Finally, as we made our way back to my chariot, we stopped at the windows of a shop that was established by one of my high school English teachers once she retired, then sold to someone else. It's one of those places where you can go and paint your own pottery, then have it fired for you. As I was about to call for M@ to come and look at something, I realized that he'd already walked in the door. I attempted to follow him, only to find that the right hand door didn't swing in; I soon found out that there's a decal on the door handle that says this, but that I'd missed it. M@ and I stayed in this shop for about fiteen minutes, until right before closing time at 20:00. It turns out that the girl who was running the place solo that night, and who was actually pretty cute, is from Carthag, went to Carthag High, has her credentials in massage therapy, and is studying Art History at [Generic University]. I can only hope that I didn't make too much of an ass out of myself, but I know that if I did, half of it was M@'s fault.

    As we got back to the chariot, I noticed that a girl who I'd gone to high school with, who's about my brother's age, and who's absolutely adorable, was standing at one of the restaurants with a couple of people, presumably one of her parents and a step-parent. We talked for a few minutes, and then M@ and I were off, and doing what single guys do best: discussing who I'd rather date, the girl from high school, or the art historian/massage therapist. I concluded that the art historian/massage therapist would be a better prospect for actual dating, but that the high school acquaintance might be a decent one night stand... If I was the type of guy who had one night stands. For the record, I'm not.

    I drove M@ back to his place, as his bike was in the shop, and over water on his back deck in the friggin' boonies we discussed a possible joint expedition to the Old Country. Eventually, I left M@ to recover for the last day of the week, and returned to my waiting bed. A wild night? Not quite.

    Consider it an investment in future hell-raising and girl-chasing.

    28 August 2005

    The Vietnam Effect

    Here's a story that indicates just how much progress we've made in the last thirty years.

    PARIS, France (Reuters) -- More journalists have been killed in Iraq since the war began in March 2003 than during the 20 years of conflict in Vietnam, media rights group Reporters Without Borders (RSF) said on Sunday.

    Since U.S. forces and its allies launched their campaign in Iraq on March 20, 2003, 66 journalists and their assistants have been killed, RSF said.

    The latest casualty was a Reuters Television soundman who was shot dead in Baghdad on Sunday, while a cameraman with him was wounded and then detained by U.S. soldiers.

    The death toll in Iraq compares with a total of 63 journalists in Vietnam, but which was over a period of 20 years from 1955 to 1975, the Paris-based organization that campaigns to protect journalists said on its Web site.

    Maybe we shouldn't have journalists in a war zone? Of course, such a suggestion is far too common sensical to register in the minds of journalists.

    Honestly. And please note, folks, that after two and a half years, the number of American soldiers killed in Iraq is still about forty-six thousand less than the number of American soldiers killed in Vietnam (by conservative estimates regarding Vietnam KIAs). "Iraq" is not Arabic for "Vietnam" in any way, shape, or form, and it would be nice if "journalists" began to understand that, instead of trying to use their power of the pen to try and make it so.

    Tactical Decision Games

    Would anybody be interested in participating in some tactical decision games if I were to start writing them? I'd provide you with links to all the resources you'd need. If there's any interest, I'll make it happen.

    What Should Fly Read?

    It's that time again. I've now finished Paul's letter to the Romans. So far this year, I've completed the following books of the Bible.

  • Job
  • Joshua
  • Acts
  • Daniel
  • James
  • Romans
  • Nahum

    What should I read next? And let me save you some trouble: I'm not reading John, so don't even suggest it.
  • Cat in the Barrel

    I'd absolutely never heard of this Civil War story.

    NEWPORT NEWS, Virginia (AP) -- Was there a black cat aboard the Civil War ironclad USS Monitor, placed inside a cannon by a superstitious but desperate sailor as the vessel was sinking?

    Conservators had hoped to verify the legend as they worked this month to extract concrete-like sediment from two cast iron, smooth-bore cannons salvaged from the ship's turret.

    A crewman who had survived the sinking off the North Carolina coast more than 140 years ago maintained that he stuffed the feline into one of the 11-inch-wide, 17,000-pound barrels.

    And did he stuff his new wool coat and boots into the carriage of the other cannon, as he said? The answer is leaning toward "No" on both counts.

    No trace of a cat -- nor a coat nor boots -- have been found in the barrels, said David Krop, assistant conservator at the Mariners' Museum where the 13-foot Dahlgren guns are being restored.

    Hmmm. Interesting.

    The Wacky Terrorist Next Door

    A shadowy terrorist figure issuing threats against Israel? Go figure!

    JERUSALEM — Hamas terrorists released a videotape Saturday purportedly showing a bombmaker believed to top Israel's most-wanted list celebrating the Gaza Strip pullout as a victory for armed resistance.

    Senior Hamas commander Mohammed Deif, who masterminded the deaths of dozens of Israelis in suicide bombings, also urged the destruction of the Jewish state. It was the latest call for continued violence by Hamas officials as the group refocuses its armed struggle on the West Bank, where most of Israel's 246,000 settlers live.

    "You are leaving Gaza today in shame," Deif said in comments directed toward Israel, which finished evacuating the last of its 21 Gaza settlements Monday. "Today you are leaving hell. But we promise you that tomorrow all Palestine will be hell for you, God willing."

    In the tape, Deif praised the armed struggle against Israel. Hamas has killed hundreds of Israelis since violence resumed in 2000.

    "We did not achieve the liberation of the Gaza Strip without this holy war and this steadfastness," he said, adding that attacks should continue until Israel is eradicated.

    Israel's obliteration is Hamas' ultimate goal.

    Actually, the "Palestinians" didn't achieve the "liberation" of Gaza at all. The Israelis withdrew from it unilaterally. This is one of the unfortunate side-effects of the Gaza withdrawal, and, God willing (pun intended), I'll be posting my thoughts on the Gaza situation at some point today. I'm not as keyed up about it as Billy D was. For now, it will be sufficient for me to say that it frustrates me. I'll give you more later.

    Common Sense

    Call me crazy, but whose idea was it to put some of the most important elements of the American oil infrastructure in Hurricane Alley? That seems like it might be slightly illogical, but I'm just a historian.

    Kill Your Enemies Dead

    Ariadne presents you with a problem.

    The Fly presents you with the solution.

    Status Report

    Comm traffic indicates possibility of incoming contact. Moving to FlyCon 3.

    27 August 2005

    Dilemma

    What's better than being the most eligible bachelor in your particular neck of the woods?

    Simple. Other people knowing that you're the most eligible bachelor in your particular neck of the woods.

    The Greek Army's Motto...

    ... is "Never leave your buddies behind." Or was it "Never leave your buddy's behind"? Anyway, look at this story!

    The Greek tourism minister is to hold emergency talks on the holiday island of Zakynthos on Monday amid outrage at the behaviour of British tourists.

    Photographs in the Greek and UK press have shown young drunken Britons having sex in bars and other public places.

    The island's MP, Dimitrios Varvarigos. has called for tourists committing acts of gross indecency to be put on trial and jailed for up to three years.

    Those who have gone home should be sent back to Greece for trial, he says.

    Drunken British people? Never!

    Seriously, though. When you've got young British chicks having sex in public places, you don't put them on trial... You videotape it, and send it to Girls Gone Wild! This could be the solution to all of Greece's economic woes. The Greek government is really dropping the ball on this one.

    Super Good Financing

    What's the best way to make money for fighting a separatist campaign against India? Force women to appear in pornographic movies, then sell them to make money for buying weapons!

    Rebels in India's north-eastern state of Tripura are making pornographic films to raise money for their separatist campaign, officials say.

    The information has come from surrendered guerrillas of the National Liberation Front of Tripura (NLFT), according to police.

    They say the rebels are forcing captured tribal women, and some men, to take part in the films.

    The films are then dubbed to be sold in India and neighbouring countries.

    Fact is truly stranger than fiction, ladies and gentlemen.

    Thanks, Pat!

    Here's more fallout from Pat Robertson's little speech.

    Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez says US President George W Bush will be to blame if anything happens to him.

    He was speaking after US TV evangelist Pat Robertson called for his assassination in comments the US State Department said were "inappropriate".

    Mr Robertson later apologised saying he was frustrated at Mr Chavez's constant accusations against Washington.

    A senior representative of America's evangelical Christians says he is trying to meet Mr Chavez to apologise.

    Mr Chavez said on Friday that Pat Robertson "was expressing the wishes of the US elite".

    "If anything happens to me then the man responsible will be George W Bush. He will be the assassin," the Venezuelan president said at a public event. "This is pure terrorism."

    Why do people keep calling Pat Robertson a representative of America's evangelical Christians? That description is about as accurate as claiming that Fantastic Dan is a representative of America's cowboys.

    And notice, ladies and gentlemen: everyone's using the buzz word "terrorism" these days. It's kind of like "racism", a nebulous charge that can't be defended against, even when it's issued ridiculously from some lunatic like Hugo Chavez.

    Turkmen Superstar

    Here's another story... About Turkmenistan!

    Turkmenistan's idiosyncratic President, Saparmurat Niyazov, has found an unusual way to spread his message - by sending his writings into space.

    Part One of the Ruhnama was blasted off on a Russian Dnepr booster rocket from Kazakhstan's Baykonur launch site on Wednesday, local media said.

    People are obliged to read Mr Niyazov's book, an interpretation of Turkmen history, for moral guidance.

    Known as Turkmenbashi, or Turkmen father, he has ruled from Soviet times.

    Sounds like a regular Qaddafi/Mao/Jong Il to me.

    Cindy Sheehan: Superstar

    I'm starting to think that Cindy Sheehan may have Attention Deficit Disorder... That, or the MoveOn.org, Code Pink, Michael Moore crowd is rubbing off on her, and she wants to be a perrenial superstar.

    CRAWFORD, Texas (Reuters) -- Iraq war protester Cindy Sheehan said Friday she plans to expand her focus to Congress, starting with House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, a Bush ally and fellow Texan.

    Sheehan has been camped outside the president's Crawford, Texas, ranch this month, seeking a meeting with him to discuss the U.S. presence in Iraq, where her son was killed in 2004.

    She plans to begin a bus tour on Thursday to the White House to campaign for the withdrawal of U.S. troops from Iraq.

    A bus tour? Gee, I wonder who's financing that.

    I will be very glad when Cindy Sheehan, like Terri Schiavo, disappears from the media radar.

    Oprah Strikes Again

    Is it just me, or is anyone else getting sick and tired of hearing about Oprah?

    Fly on the Loose: Wednesday

    This is the first in a two part series on what I've been up to the last few evenings. I'm afraid I may be turning into a dysfunctional version of Lycan Thrope.

    On Monday or so, I called the Dark Horse Sandal Man, who I'd not seen since our last encounter. We made plans to meet up at the same pub as last time, which we'll call the Iron Horse for no particular reason. I was looking forward to a delicious dinner of fettucine alfredo, complemented with a pint of Guinness straight from the tap. It was to be a T.O.B., a thing... Of beauty. I had to work until 20:00 on Wednesday, so we agreed to meet up there at around 20:40, allowing me to get changed and drive from Hometown to College City.

    I arrived and parked, and met up with DHSM. Unfortunately, we arrived about ten minutes after the kitchen had closed. I hadn't had anything to eat, and he hadn't had anything to eat, so we decided to set out for food. Neither of us were in the mood for the local pizza joint, or any of the other things that were available in the downtown College City area, so we wound up at Subway. Good, reliable, open 'til 22:00 Subway. We ate, and then returned to the Iron Horse, where I had my staple: a pint of Guiness; and DHSM had some other kind of beer. We discussed life, the universe, and everything, just like the last time, while sitting outside and trying to ignore the awful karaoke that was being inflicted upon us from inside the pub. (Actually, there was no karaoke last time.)

    I have not gotten any action in months, so like the last time, we wound up at the Summer meat market. While not completely devoid of tail, this time around there wasn't nearly the crowd that there had been on our prior visit. We grabbed a pool table, and throughout our time there I was noticing this girl in jeans and a white tank top, but checking out her friends: a blonde with a smokin' hot body, in a baby blue tank top and jeans. Gorgeous.

    Anyway, near the end of the second game of pool, this round guy in a red polo shirt, with a backwards ballcap and a labret piercing came over and informed me that his friend, Amy, had been watching us, but particularly me. He informed me that I had the opportunity, all I had to do was take it. DHSM and I finished our game of pool, and went up to the bar, where several of the people in their party, including piercing guy and white tank top totty, had relocated to. Piercing guy introduced us, and we talked for a few minutes.

    It turns out that she's in the National Guard, and noticed a couple of guys who carried themselves like military guys (DHSM and I both have military experience), one of whom (me) had a bona fide military haircut. We talked for a couple of minutes, then she excused herself, turning down the offer of a drink from yours truly. No digits, no nothing. I shot down, I crashed and burned.

    Sandal Man finished his third of the night as I chatted with one of my old acquaintances from the history department, a stout guy about my age whose wife apparently wants a divorce. Once DHSM and I agreed to bail, I took him home, then returned to Hometown, getting less than my minimum six hours of solid sleep before getting up to take care of cars for a busy work day.

    Next time, tune in for the recap of Thursday evening.

    Cheap Laughs

    Sweet merciful glaven! This site is the funniest thing I've seen in months!

    The Flynal Word on Global Warming

    Following up on this post about "global warming", I'd like to remind everyone of this excellent moment from South Park...

    Chet: How about we cause more global warming, so that in the future, the polar ice caps melt, and and it ushers in a new ice age?
    Darryl Weathers: [pause] How the hell is global warming gonna cause an ice age?!
    Chet: Well you know, the... global warming could bring on like a climate shift or somethin'?
    Darryl Weathers: Chet, you are a f[ra]ckin' retard, you know that?! Even if global warming were real, which all proven scientific data shows it isn't, it would take millions of years for a climate shift to happen! You think an ice age can just happen all of a sudden-like?
    Chet: Well I was just tryin' to be helpful.
    Darryl Weathers: Well help yourself to a f[ra]ckin' science book, 'cause you're talkin' like a f[ra]ckin' retard! Now, come on people, we've got to think! Damnit, they took our jaorbs!

    Trey Parker and Matt Stone: is there any issue they can't put to rest?

    26 August 2005

    Standoff Winnin' Mullahs

    Well, considering the game of grabass that the EU3 have been playing for the last year, I'm going to have to tentatively agree.

    A top Iranian cleric said Friday that Iran was the winner in the stand-off over its nuclear ambitions, saying US "bullying" has failed to stop the Islamic republic.

    "No matter how much they confront us, accuse us and put barriers on our way, it might only slow our movement, but they cannot stop us," Ayatollah Ahmad Janati said in a Friday prayer sermon.

    "In this nuclear issue, we are the winner, not America. They must know this. Today, there is no grounds for the US bullying in the world, especially in Iran," he added, drawing the usual chants of "Death to America!".

    It's worth pointing out that the Bush Administration has taken a hands off approach so far, allowing the European Union delegation to screw around with a diplomatic approach that is most likely doomed to failure. As a result, the tentative Iranian victory over the nuclear issue isn't over the U.S.; it's over the Europeans.

    Be expending diplomatic capital over nothing, President Bush and his crew are preventing the rhetoric that followed the invasion of Iraq. The issue is high profile, and if force is required to stop the mullahs from developing nuclear technology, the Bush Administration can honestly and unequivocally point out that they allowed the European Union and the IAEA to attempt a diplomatic solution, and that such a solution ultimately failed.

    I don't think that President Bush wants to use a military solution to Iran, but unlike European and U.N. leaders, he won't rule it out. He acknowledges, rightfully, that a nuclear Iran is not an acceptable outcome, and he refuses to take the military option off the table. This is precisely the right outlook on the situation, because once you start taking options off the table, your opponents know how far they can push you before you capitulate. The Iranians are playing the European Union like a cheap pawn shop guitar, and despite all of the asinine claims that President Bush is an Israeli pawn, or a chimp, or otherwise incapable, he's proving that he's smarter than his detractors in the European Union.

    Media Bias? Never!

    Have a look at this story out of Egypt.

    A group monitoring Egypt's first ever presidential election has strongly criticised the way the state-owned press is covering the campaign.

    The Cairo Centre for the Study of Human Rights said coverage was grossly unbalanced and biased in favour of the incumbent, Hosni Mubarak.

    It accused state-run national papers of giving far more space to Mr Mubarak's campaign than to any of his opponents.

    Bias? In the media? Perish the thought! It's not as if Western candidates like Bill Clinton, Al Gore*, and John Kerry get extra praise from the media!

    Hosni Mubarak's probably getting more coverage than the other candidates, I can concede that; but he's voluntarily allowed a contested election. Let's give the Egyptian government credit where it's due, and recognize that democracy can be a "baby steps" endeavour.

    * In an unrelated story, I'm so used to writing al Jazeera, al Qaeda, et cetera, that I originally wrote that "al Gore" as if it was an Arabic noun. Laugh.

    Kid Killin' Mullahs

    Let's be honest. Amnesty International would be protesting this even if it wasn't a couple of minors being executed by the mullahs.

    El Presidente Lays the Smack Down

    Castro's Cuban government is blaming the United States for the deaths of thirty-one people who were attempting come to America.

    As a friendly reciprocal, Thus Saith the Fly blames Fidel Castro's Cuban government for engineering a nation that's so lousy that people would get on an over-crowded boat and risk death (or torture and punishment if their attempt failed) in order to escape and get to America.

    Another Clueless Academic

    So, uh... Do you think she just forgot her four years as an undergrad?

    PHOENIX, Arizona (AP) -- As a professor at Northern Arizona University, Cathy Small was baffled by undergraduates. They seemed less engaged, less likely to do assigned reading and more likely to ask questions like "Do you want it double-spaced?"

    So she decided to study them as anthropologists research any foreign culture -- she lived among them.

    After moving into a dorm, eating cafeteria food and struggling with a five-course schedule, the 50-something Small said she empathized with students who struggle to balance chaotic class and work schedules.

    "I'm trying to get really to what student culture is doing and tailor my teaching," said Small, who wrote a book on her research under the pseudonym Rebekah Nathan called "My Freshman Year: What a Professor Learned by Becoming a Student."

    Small took a sabbatical and spent the 2002-2003 school year conducting her research. With approval from the university's research board, she used her high school transcript to get admitted and moved into a dorm -- though she did forgo the roommate experience by getting a single room.

    And the money shot?

    Her surveys also found that only about a third of what students were talking and thinking about outside of class was based on their course work.

    What a discovery! Because when I was out of class back when I was a student, about ninety-five percent of what I had to talk about revolved directly around what I was studying. And now that I have a job, about eighty-eight percent of what I talk about outside of work directly pertains to work.

    Seriously. I always knew that a lot of professors were clueless, but this really takes the cake.

    A Tennessee Tale

    Hmm. Entertaining.

    NASHVILLE, Tennessee (AP) -- The Tennessee attorney general wants the country singer who made the song "Redneck Woman" a hit to stop "glamorizing" the use of smokeless tobacco at her concerts.

    State officials said Gretchen Wilson can be seen on concert jumbo screens pulling a can of Skoal from her pocket while performing her new song, "Skoal Ring."

    That may violate the 1998 settlement between states and tobacco companies forbidding tobacco ads targeting young people, Attorney General Paul Summers said.

    "Many young people attend your concerts and purchase your music and T-shirts," Summers wrote in a letter he sent to Wilson Thursday. "Because your actions strongly influence the youth in your audience ... I ask you to take steps to warn young people of negative health effects of smokeless tobacco use."

    Gretchen Wilson is a falling star in the world of country music. It's a fact. Also, a song isn't an advertisement; Skoal isn't paying Gretchen Wilson to plug their product. The Tennessee AG doesn't really have a legal leg to stand on as far as I'm concerned.

    The kind of people who go to country music shows chew tobacco. That's the way the world works. My brother's as redneck as they come, and he smokes and chews. He got the same education in the dangers of tobacco use that I did. In my life, I've smoked two cigars, and used no smokeless tobacco. He made different choices than I did, and continues to make different choices. They're the wrong choices, but that's his right, and it's what's beautiful about America: people have the capacity and right to make both right and wrong decisions.

    After all, a correct decision means nothing if you're not afforded the right to screw up. That's why capitalism (the capacity for failure, the possibility for overwhelming success) is so great, and why socialism/communism (no capacity for failure, no chance of success) is bollocks.

    Sleeping With the Enemy

    This is not good policy.

    ROME — Italy's Red Cross treated four Iraqi insurgents with the knowledge of the Italian government last year and hid them from U.S. forces in exchange for the freedom of two kidnapped aid workers, a top Italian Red Cross official said in an interview published Thursday.

    Maurizio Scelli, the outgoing chief of the Italian Red Cross, told the Turin newspaper La Stampa that he kept the deal secret from U.S. officials, complying with "a nonnegotiable condition" imposed by Iraqi mediators who helped him secure the release of Italians Simona Pari and Simona Torretta. They were abducted in Baghdad Sept. 7 and freed Sept. 28.

    "The mediators asked us to save the lives of four alleged terrorists wanted by the Americans who were wounded in combat," Scelli was quoted as saying. "We hid them and brought them to Red Cross doctors, who operated on them."

    This is completely unacceptable. The whole point of the War on Terror is to kill terrorists, not bring them back to life. Two hostages traded for the biological salvation of four ruthless killers? How is this at all acceptable?

    If the whole Gitmo issue wasn't enough for you, here's another reason to look twice at the Red Cross. They do a lot of great things, but moves like this are unacceptable.

    Fading Fast

    I'm tired, because I only got about five hours of sleep last night. I have to be up early in the morning for a conference at work. I've been out and about all day. I'm going to bed. Bask in the glory that is Fly... Tomorrow.

    25 August 2005

    The Power of Fly

    I claim to be the only man in history who can pull off washing a hearse and listening to the Go-Gos simultaneously.

    You may now continue with your regular lives, as I get ready and leave for work. More tonight.

    Lance Armstrong to French Newspaper: You're Wankers!

    I've gotta say, what Lance has to say makes a lot more sense than the French statements. I'll skip to the important parts.

    He went on to lambaste L'Equipe and question the science and ethics of the suburban Paris laboratory that stored frozen samples from the 1999 tour, tested them only last year and leaked the results used in the newspaper's report.

    [...]

    "I actually spoke to him for about 30 minutes and he didn't say any of that stuff to me personally," Armstrong said. "But to say that I've 'fooled' the fans is preposterous. I've been doing this a long time. We have not just one year of only 'B' samples; we have seven years of 'A' and 'B' samples. They've all been negative."

    Armstrong questioned the validity of testing samples frozen six years ago, how those samples were handled since, and how he could be expected to defend himself when the only confirming evidence — the 'A' sample used for the 1999 tests — no longer existed.

    He also charged officials at the suburban Paris lab with violating World Anti-Doping Agency code for failing to safeguard the anonymity of any remaining 'B' samples it had.

    "It doesn't surprise me at all that they have samples. Clearly they've tested all of my samples since then to the highest degree. But when I gave those samples," he said, referring to 1999, "there was not EPO in those samples. I guarantee that."

    Basically, it takes both the A and B samples to prove that someone is on this particular performance-enhancing drug. This company has stored Armstrong's samples now for seven years (Who keeps urine for seven years!? Honestly!), they don't have the samples necessary to prove their claim, and thy're testing samples that have most likely "gone bad" in the last seven years. Not only that, but the testing agency broke the rules by releasing any information in the first place.

    I have to tell you, Lance Armstrong's looking a lot more credible in my eyes than his French accusers are.

    Junk Science, Bad Policies

    The Kyoto Protocol was bad policy based on junk science. Don't believe me? Read this lecture by Michael Crichton. Go ahead, give it a read.

    Well, nine northeastern states have decided to break with national policy by introducing measures to attempt to curb greenhouse gas emissions.

    NEW YORK (Reuters) -- Nine northeastern U.S. states are working on a plan to cap and then reduce the level of greenhouse gas emissions from power plants, the first U.S. deal of its kind and one which would see the region breaking with President George W. Bush who refused to sign the Kyoto Protocol

    The move comes as California, Washington and Oregon are considering a similar pact -- a dynamic environmentalists say could pressure the federal government to adopt a national law. Bush refused to sign the Kyoto Protocol, the greenhouse gas reduction plan adopted by more than 150 countries.

    Under the plan being worked on, New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, Delaware, Maine, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Rhode Island and Vermont would cap carbon dioxide emissions at 150 million tons a year -- roughly equal to the average emissions in the highest three years between 2000 and 2004.

    Starting in 2015, the cap would be lowered, and emissions would be cut by 10 percent in 2020.

    This is really pretty asinine if you ask me. Not only is the whole thing a completely political joke aimed at snagging the votes of "green" voters, but the net effect is a concerted effort to handicap efficient, clean Western manufacturers while ignoring the emissions of such nations as China and Indiana. As Crichton points out in the cited lecture:

    Nobody believes a weather prediction twelve hours ahead. Now we're asked to believe a prediction that goes out 100 years into the future? And make financial investments based on that prediction? Has everybody lost their minds?

    Stepping back, I have to say the arrogance of the modelmakers is breathtaking. There have been, in every century, scientists who say they know it all. Since climate may be a chaotic system-no one is sure-these predictions are inherently doubtful, to be polite. But more to the point, even if the models get the science spot-on, they can never get the sociology. To predict anything about the world a hundred years from now is simply absurd.

    Look: If I was selling stock in a company that I told you would be profitable in 2100, would you buy it? Or would you think the idea was so crazy that it must be a scam?

    It's agenda-driven pseudo-science, plain and simple, and it's shameful, shameful, that we're not seeing more legitimate leadership on this issue from our elected officials. Kudos to President Bush for seeing this as a red herring, and taking the middle ground on the issue by taking steps to reduce pollution while refusing to commit American companies to an industry-crippling farce.

    You be the Judge

    I can't tell if this guy is a traitorous jerk, or just a fool with extremely poor judgment. What do you think?

    Credit Where Due

    I've just finished watching The Daily Show, mainly because there wasn't anything else on at ten in the morning. Jon Stewart did a short segment about CNN. He noted that that Costas guy who's filling in for Larry King declined to do an hour special in Aruba on Natalie Holloway. The president of CNN defended Costas, criticizing Fox News and claiming that if Fox wasn't covering Natalie Holloway on a day when fourteen American troops died in Iraq, they could have covered something more than "meaningless nonsense".*

    Stewart went on to introduce a montage of CNN segments, which included but were not limited to:

  • A Larry King interview with Pamela Anderson
  • A segment about whether or not it's acceptable to insult ugly animals
  • A segment about how doling out soft ice cream from a truck is "hard work"
  • Various other clips introducing segments with little or no substance or importance

    Jon Stewart then went on to mock CNN's slogan: "This is CNN?"

    Also, the special guest was former Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott, whose comments about Strom Thurmond were taken out of context a couple of years ago, eventually forcing him to apologize needlessly for his allegedly "racist" comments (that weren't the least bit racist in the first place) and resign from his post as Senate Majority Leader. Anyway, though, I'll give Stewart credit for having him on, and for not being a total jerk.

    I report, you decide. Fair and balanced coverage, that's Thus Saith the Fly.

    * I've made my feelings about the overly extensive coverage of the Natalee Holloway disappearance very clear, and I tend to side with that Costas guy; one girl disappearing is not news, it does not necessitate anywhere near the news coverage it's received. Even so, I think it was in extremely poor taste for the president of CNN to refer to Natalee Holloway's disappearance as "meaningless nonsense".
  • Baghdad Update

    The interesting tidbit from this story follows.

    Earlier Thursday, a radical Shiite cleric Muqtada al-Sadr called on his followers to end clashes with Shiite rivals, one day after his office in the holy city of Najaf was burned and four of his supporters were killed.

    The internal Shiite conflict occurred amid a struggle by Shiite and Kurdish leaders to convince the Sunni Arabs to accept the draft constitution.

    In calling for calm, al-Sadr urged "all believers to spare the blood of the Muslims and to return to their homes."

    "I will not forget this attack on the office ... but Iraq is passing through a critical and difficult period that requires unity," he told reporters in his home in Najaf.

    He demanded that Abdul-Aziz al-Hakim, leader of the rival Supreme Council for the Islamic Revolution in Iraq, or SCIRI, condemn "what his followers have done."

    "I urge the believers not to attack innocent civilians and not to fall for American plots that aim to divide us," al-Sadr said. "We are passing through a critical period and a political process."

    This is a bittersweet tidbit to post. On the one hand, al Sadr's onboard with the political process, and urging his followers to participate. On the other hand, he either believes that there's some sort of American conspiracy against Shi'is, or he's using that belief in his followers to stir up anti-American sentiment.

    Bottom line? al Sadr's statements aren't good, but they could be worse.

    Cappin' it Up

    Hawaiian politicians have made a bad decision.

    HONOLULU — Hawaii will begin enforcing a cap on the wholesale price of gasoline next week, hoping to curb the sting of the nation's highest gas costs.

    The limit would be the first time a state has capped the price of gasoline — a move critics warn could lead to supply shortages.

    But many Hawaii residents are just looking for some relief from soaring costs.

    "The gas prices that are continuing to go up — how am I supposed to afford it?" Nathan Slenk, a 25-year-old student at Kapiolani Community College, said as he pumped regular unleaded gas into his black sedan for $2.79 a gallon in Honolulu.

    By artificially capping the price of fuel, the Hawaiian politicians are preventing their citizens from adjusting to the market. Do you think that Hawaiians will think, "Oh, wow, they've artificially deflated the price, we'd better make the best use of this development by using their cars sparingly?

    Nope. They'll think, "Sweet! Things are back to normal! I'm going to live my life like I normally would!" The result? People will continue using fuel like it's going out of style, and the likely result will be fuel shortages.

    This is bad policy, based on an extremely poor fiscal understanding. It's a very unfortunate precedent to set, and for that reason I assume that my own governor, who is an incompetent jackass, will likely implement the same measures presently.

    Nuclear Innovating Mullahs

    There's interesting news from Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the probably-illegitimate president of Iran.

    Iran wants negotiations over its nuclear programme to continue and is finalising "innovations" to resolve the dispute, the Islamic republic's new hardline President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced Wednesday.

    That innovation? You guessed it: an atomic bomb!

    (I'm kidding... Sort of.)

    Those Wacky Turkmen

    Here's a story... From Turkmenistan!

    Turkmen President Saparmurat Niyazov has banned the playing of recorded music at all public events, on television and at weddings.

    In a decree, Mr Niyazov said there was a need to protect Turkmen culture from "negative influences".

    This is the latest move by the authoritarian president to minimise foreign influence in the isolated former Soviet state, analysts say.

    He has already banned opera and ballet, describing them as "unnecessary".

    This is similar to the French "Google rival" that's being developed as a counter to Google's efforts to put fifteen million English language books online. It all seems pretty silly to me; the way to solve this kind of problem is to use the technology to spread and catalogue your own culture, not deny people the technology in some misguided attempt to deny them access to other people's cultures.

    24 August 2005

    Robertson Update

    Finally, Pat Robertson grows a pair and pulls his foot out of his mouth.

    (CNN) -- After two days of criticism, Christian broadcaster Pat Robertson apologized for his controversial suggestion that the United States should assassinate Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.

    "Is it right to call for assassination? No, and I apologize for that statement," Robertson said. "I spoke in frustration that we should accommodate the man who thinks the U.S. is out to kill him."

    But he compared Chavez to Iraq's Saddam Hussein and Adolph Hitler and quoted German Lutheran theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer: "[That if a madman were] driving a car into a group of innocent bystanders, then I can't, as a Christian, simply wait for the catastrophe and then comfort the wounded and bury the dead. I must try to wrestle the steering wheel out of the hands of the driver."

    For apologizing, I'll give Pat Robertson the miniscule amount of credit he deserves. For invoking Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who would have told Pat Buchanon that he was an idiot, my level of contempt for Robertson increases.

    What an absolute tool. Somebody should smite Pat Robertson... Smite him good!

    Cars for Teens

    From the pages of the automobile journal Duh...

    NEW YORK (CNN/Money) - If teens had their choice of a car, they'd take a Ford Mustang, according to a recent poll. But parents put the Mustang at the bottom of the list of cars they'd want for their kids.

    An on-line poll administered by the vehicle pricing company Kelley Blue Book, showed that drivers age 16 to 25 ranked stylish vehicles such as a Mustang or a Jeep Wrangler as their top vehicle choices, while their parents preferred something more sensible, like a Toyota Corolla.

    The 2000 Honda Civic ranked highly with both parents and teens. It was the top choice for parents and third choice for teens.

    The 2001 Mustang and the 2002 Corolla were the most polarizing cars. The Mustang was the favorite for teen drivers but ranked dead last as a car parents would want to see their kids drive.

    The Corolla was the car teens least wanted to drive, but it ranked second among parents.

    "Young drivers, who often are very image-conscious, prefer the sporty 'cool cars,' but parents seem more concerned with safety and practicality when it comes to having their children behind the wheel," said Jack R. Nerad, an executive market analyst for Kelley Blue Book.

    The real story here is that CNN considers this to be "news". And for what it's worth, kids have lousy taste; Mustangs have looked like crap since the nineties. The classics from the first few years were good looking cars, and the brand new 'Stangs are good to go, but the rest are crap.

    And I wouldn't want to drive a Corolla, either. Those things may as well come with the work "dweeb" painted right on them. Oh, and under no circumstances should teenagers be given Jeeps to drive... Even though I was head over heels for this girl who drove a Jeep in high school.

    (For what it's worth, I've always wanted to get lucky with a girl who drove a Jetta.)

    Europeans: Right or Wrong?

    Liberals always seem to think that Europeans have the answer to every problem under the sun, and that we Americans are just barbarians who won't submit to the common sense of the old world. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a farce. I've lived in Europe, I've travelled in Europe. It's untrue.

    Interestingly enough, liberals are completely hypocritical about this issue, and I'm going to give you two examples of this.

    One thing you absolutely can't avoid on a European road is a roundabout. I spent all last Summer in England, and a big part of my job was driving from Point A to Point B, and generally on to Point C. At any rate, I had a lot of experience with roundabouts. Folks, roundabouts are in no way superior to a simple perpendicular intersection with a traffic light. Liberals are wrong, and the unfortunate truth is that their wrongness is leading to asinine roundabouts cropping up throughout the United States. I happen to live in a fairly conservative community, and the rich part of town just got the town's first "traffic control installation", or roundabout. Not only was it an asinine idea in the first place, but they didn't even make it to the specifications recommended by the engineers who surveyed the spot.

    So why do they use them? Well, interestingly enough, many of the traffic lights I saw in my particular corner of the United Kingdom were little more than cross-walk lights, placed in the middle of a regular city block. The truth of the matter is that roundabouts exist on many European roads because those roads are poorly laid out. There's no such thing as city and urban planning in many European areas; they're the result of thousands of years of farms and villages growing together, and there is no rhyme or reason to their routing. Roundabouts are merely a way of controlling traffic on such poorly planned roads.

    To recap? Europeans are wrong on roundabouts.

    However, are the Europeans right on some things? One of the few things that Europeans, and the French in particular, are actually right on is nuclear power. But will liberals acknowledge it and demand an increase in nuclear plant production? Of course not.

    France has nuclear plants, all of which operate daily without incident, throughout the country. Americans get most of their overall energy from power plants that burn fossil fuels. Wind and solar power, though "clean", provide very little actual energy for the money they require. Hydroelectric power works, but it has an environmental impact. Nuclear power? The only tangible emission is steam, which dissipates. The radioactive waste is actually more environmentally friendly than the emissions and side effects of the rest. Why do I say this? Because nuclear waste is so nasty that you have to dispose of it securely and unequivocally.

    So why do liberals want European solutions to everything except energy production? Probably because they're not paying enough attention; that, or they're closed-minded, and won't listen to reason. You be the judge.