The Fly In Action

Fly has vowed to fight terrorists on land, sea, and air. While flying around in his company jet, he noticed something unusual flying nearby. Upon close inspection, Fly discovered it was a real terrorist on his way to the Mini-Mart for some Bud Light.

In this picture, Fly has drawn a bead on the terrorist. Watch tomorrow's paper for the outcome. Remember, you heard it FIRST on Thus Saith The Fly, your total news source!

Fly Report: 28th April 2006

There must be some way out of here, said the joker to the thief, There's too much confusion, I can't get no relief

OK, so writers' block didn't happen. Damn!

There is temperature and weather in Kirkwall and Cody, Barstow, etc. Go to Weather.com if you need to know the weather, not TSTF. Our real goal is to present news and analyses (often referred to as "Fly rants") that you won't find anywhere else (fortunately.)

The exchange rate on the US dollar is down because gasoline prices are up. Now isn't that a little piece of heaven! The Fed says that because our balance of trade is tilted in favor of imports (without oil imports BTW, because it would "skew" the positive results they need), our dollar will buy less overseas because of concerns about Federal spending and our increasing debt load; however, our improved productivity metrics will offset some of the negative GDP drivers created by declining sales of new homes. So, as you can clearly see, no matter what we do, it's gonna cost a ton to visit our significant other if he/she lives across town. However, it has been scientifically proven that biological forces will kick in and offset any reluctance to stay home and watch reruns of Law & Order.

(The above has been included to placate those who say TSTF has lost its pithy, incisive, intellectual edge.)

Today's Astronomy Picture of the Day is: (OK)(Not OK)(Out there)

Today's scripture reading is 1 Genesis 5. The Fly is reading Desert Hygiene Can Be Fun. (Author's note: Movie rights have already been sold and word on the street is that Madonna and Jon Heder have already been signed to play the roles of Princess Lea and Darth Vader. Is this a great country to live in or what?)

And finally, song lyrics:
No reason to get excited, the thief, he kindly spoke,
There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke

Thus Saith Pseudo Fly

Fly Report: 27th April 2006

29 bottles of beer on the wall, 29 bottles of beer

Good morning. This will be the last Fly Report because I plan on having writers' block tomorrow.

It's 52° Fahrenheit and cloudy in Kirkwall. In Cody, the forecast calls for a high of 52° Fahrenheit and cloudy. Now, tell me honestly - does anyone really give a damn about these weather reports? If you do, I can recommend a good "life" counselor to see.

The average price of oil is $72.10 per barrel. The exchange rate is unknown (and I'm not going to look it up either!) for £1. High oil prices mean more expensive gasoline. You heard it here first!

Today's Astronomy Picture of the Day is: (OK, If You Like That Stuff)/(Missing)

Today's scripture reading is 1 Genesis 4. The Fly is reading The Rattlesnake Identification Manual in preparation for his first flight without an aircraft.

If one of those bottles should happen to fall, 28 bottles of beer on the wall. Repeat as necessary until your problem is solved.

Fly Gets Ride In New Stealth Reconnaissance Plane

Just in from Barstow - a picture of Fly getting into a new top secret stealth aircraft. Fly was shocked to be chosen to go for a test ride, given he has only been with the company for one day. In fact, he was skeptical when his peers suggested he climb up the boarding ladder and get in even though the actual plane is invisible. However, we all know The Fly is one sharp dude and knows the plane is really there. I was hoping for more pix but his communique was mysteriously cut off seconds after this shot was taken. Obviously, Security was alerted and censored further photos in the interest of national security.

I can't believe how much The Fly rules!

To Regular Readers Of Thus Saith The Fly

Just a reminder that The Fly will be back soon, within days I pray. You don't have to put up with this stuff much longer because when he returns, my membership privileges will be revoked post haste and many posts deleted.

This is, therefore, the post where you can vent and say things that you truly feel like, "He can't get back soon enough for me!", or "Thank goodness we will have something cerebral again," and do it without hurting my feelings.

In the famous words of The Fly after being dumped (once again), "That's what feelings are for - to be stomped on!"

So saith The Father.

Fly Report: 26th April 2006

Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful,
And since we have no place to go, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

It's 47 degrees Fahrenheit in Barstow with 57% humidity and cloudy. In Cody, the temperature is 44 degrees Fahrenheit with 48% humidity and sunny. Remind me again why Barstow is considered "in the desert."

The average price of oil is proof of our stupidity. The exchange rate is $40.00 for a tank of gas with no change back from two twenties and a signed agreement that you will drive long distances on vacation this year. Carry the deed to your home in the glove box!

Today's Astronomy Picture of the Day is missing. This is (Gut Wrenching)(A Gift From Heaven)(Of No Consequence Whatsoever)

Today's scripture reading is 1 Genesis 3. The Fly is reading How To Grow A Beard Without Steroids by James A. Michener. It's fascinating; the movie should be first rate.

The fire is slowly dying, and my dear, we're still goodbying,
But as long as I love you so, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Author's note: Don't you just love it when the words to a song can be understood without several margaritas? Don't get me wrong - I love margaritas; it's U-2 I don't always understand when I'm sober.

Fly's New Uniform

Can you imagine The Fly's surprise when his supervisor handed him his new uniform? Typically, Fly's unit poses as either embedded media, insurgents, or "hostile" friendlies. Don't ask me what a hostile friendly is; but as we all know, Fly's superior intellect snaps this stuff up so he can implement a concept like this within 99.99% of reality. I even saw him play the role of a college senior so well the administration awarded him a degree!)

His work group is going into Barstow tonight to "bond" and work on their roles as arrogant hostile friendlies. I can't believe how much The Fly rules!

Fly Report: 25th April 2006

Hi ho the merry oh, a' hunting we will go. (From "U-2 does Mother Goose")

It's 95 degrees Fahrenheit with lots of oppressive heat in Barstow. In Cody, the thermometer is broken and a collection is being taken for a new one.

The average price of oil is heading upwards. Duh! The exchange rate is $.79/lb for acorn squash, making a 1.7 lb example worth $1.34, with $3.66 change from a $5.00 bill. Said squash can then be turned into a nasty foul-tasting side dish. Expensive gas any way you cut it!

Today's Astronomy Picture of the Day is here (Cool)/(Acidic)/(Vile)

Today's scripture reading is 1 Genesis 2. The Fly is reading Real Men Eat Sorbet, by Earle Stanley Gardner. It's fascinating; the movie should be first rate.

Where or where has my little dog gone? (BTW, where IS Jack?)

Fly Gets Wild

Fly informed me that he hit on some biker chicks in Barstow on Saturday night. "That's how Arnold started out here. Don't you remember The Terminator?"

Knowing Fly, and being well aware that his physique is closer to Spiderman's than Schwarzenegger's, I challenged him to prove it. He did by sending this photo by e-mail this morning.

The Fly's social life is SO sad! Does this man have no shame?

On to The Fly report!

Fly Report: 24th April 2006

Oh I came from Alabama with a banjo on my knee. (That's why I limp.)

It's 95 degrees Fahrenheit with lots of sunshine in Barstow. In Cody, the forecast calls for a high of 54 degrees Fahrenheit and no one cares.

The average price of oil is heading for the moon. The exchange rate is $1.79 for bologna, plus 21 cents change from a $2.00 bill. High oil prices and a cheap bologna; how depressing.

Today's Astronomy Picture of the Day is: (Not Worth Squat)/(Cool)/(Bizarre)

Today's scripture reading is 1 Genesis 1. The Fly is reading The California Driver's License Manual. It is fascinating; the movie should be first rate.

Over the river and through the woods, to Grandmother's house we go!

Let The Roast Begin - Quickly!

After three days of technical problems, the inmates are finally in charge of the asylum. As quickly as photos of Fly's adventures are received at TSTF Headquarters, they will be posted. In addition, pages from his secret diary have been discovered and will revealed here, in what promises to be the most shocking expose of the year.

Gone

This will be my last post for a few days. Father Time and Mo-Licious will now commence to roasting me.

And I'm already gone, felt that way all along
Closer to you every day, didn't want it that much anyway
- Pontifex Maximus

Stay out of trouble, kids. The Fly will be back before you can say "Abandon all hope, ye who enter here".

Fly Report: 20th April 2006

Good morning. This will be the last Fly Report before I leave for the desert.

It's 45° Fahrenheit with clouds in Kirkwall. In Cody, the forecast calls for a high of 54° Fahrenheit with sunshine.

The average price of oil is $72.10 per barrel. The exchange rate is $1.79 for £1, or £0.56 for $1. High oil prices and a lousy exchange rate; how depressing.

Today's Astronomy Picture of the Day is: (Cool)/(Lame)

Today's scripture reading is 1 Corinthians 15. The Fly isn't really reading anything; he's far too busy for that.

The distance, she saw me coming 'round; I was calling out, I was calling out.

Fly Report: 20th April 2006

Good morning. Visualize peace... Through the gun sights of your MP5N.

It's 45° Fahrenheit with a chance of showers in Kirkwall. In Cody, the forecast calls for a high of 45° Fahrenheit with clouds.

The average price of oil is $72.02 per barrel, up an entire dollar from this time yesterday; I blame Mahmoud Ahmedinejad. The exchange rate is $1.78 for £1, or £0.56 for $1.

Today's Astronomy Picture of the Day is: (Cool)/(Lame)

Today's scripture reading is 1 Corinthians 14. The Fly isn't really reading anything; he's far too busy for that.

Desert rose; dreamed I saw a desert rose, dress torn in ribbons and in bows. Like a siren she calls to me.

Quickly Moving Fly

Here's a bit of an update on me.

I move Friday. I'm convoying to Barstow with my dad, in my new car (a 2006 Chevy TrailBlazer) and his Yukon XL/Suburban/whatever you want to call it. We'll be packing both vehicles as full as we can reasonably get them; I'll primarily be carrying boxes and bags, and Dad will be carrying mostly furniture.

Over the last several years, I've been collecting discarded Xerox paper boxes from the university and from the office. I have sixteen of them. As of Saturday, nine of them were completely full of books, in addition to the books on my bookcase. I worked on shifting books from place to place on Sunday and tonight, and now five boxes are full of books that are staying for now, two are full of books that are going, four are empty, one has miscellaneous trinkets and personal effects in it, one has files and papers in it, one has three-ring notebooks, one is full of decorations, and one has compact discs and videocassettes in it. If that doesn't add up to sixteen, then I don't care.

Several bags are fully packed, mostly bags with military gear in them; I got the final Under Armour shirt today, so all of my uniform skivvies are packed. I've done laundry, and that will be finally and unequivocally sorted tomorrow, and most of it packed up, save for what I'll be wearing the next couple of days and on the two day road trip.

My mother was gracious enough to take me shopping for various household items yesterday; being generous and paying money are two things that don't come naturally to my mother, so the seriousness of this offer wasn't lost on me. I figured that we could go and get a few things, and it would make her feel better, even if I didn't really technically need that much. Not including the drinking glasses she bought for me today, we got about $200 worth of stuff, including a tea kettle, a Brita water filtration pitcher, a pot and lid (I think I'll only need one), a Coleman air bed, and flatware. I also have a number of items that I received for Christmas from my parents and my grandmother, including a generic knockoff of a George Foreman grill, a can opener and knife sharpener, a cutting board, some spatulas, et cetera. I'll also have a set of knives, if I can find it, a set of dishes, a few assorted mugs, and a toaster. I'm ready to live a somewhat spartan existence, but it looks as if I'll be at least moderately well equipped.

With respect to furniture, I'll have very little. I have that Coleman air bed I mentioned, plus my papasan chair and ottoman from Pier 1 (purchased in late 2002 if I remember correctly), two CD/DVD/VHS racks (that will probably wind up holding books as well) that were purchased at the music store I worked at before I worked there (a long, long, long time ago), a trunk that I bought at a garage sale last year, a standing lamp, a little table, and maybe there's some more.

I also packed an old waist pack with knives and flashlights; when looking for my sheathed boot knife, I came across more decorations. I found the "PACE" (Italian for "PEACE") flag that I bought in Italy (after seeing them waving all over the place when I was there during the initial days of Operation Iraqi Freedom), a Wyoming state flag, and a Jolly Roger (crossed cutlasses version). I've also got what F3 refers to as "sleeping" animal hides from a "sleeping" elk, a "sleeping" deer, and a "sleeping" beaver; and my decorative gladius, purchased in the same open air street market in Florence, Italy as the "PACE" flag. I don't yet know what's going to be displayed, or how.

It's been pointed out by a regular skimmer of TSTF that most of my posts lately have had a theological bent. If you've been bored with the same old thing, I apologize; I haven't been checking the news much since I got the job offer two and a half weeks ago, so most of what I've come up with to post have been philosophical in nature. When I'm settled, I'll try to resume posting news and something more varied than just rants about philosophy and religion.

Special thanks to the always outrageous Lycan Thrope, who gave me a special shout out on his blog last week. Also, if your name is K and you're reading this, I'm stoked that you've become a regular reader of Thus Saith the Fly.

Also, let this serve as a reminder: while I'm gone, the roast of The Fly will commence, lead by Father Time. If you're a regular commentator and have a Blogger account, you're invited to join in the fun and festivities. I'll be adding participants as members on Thursday night before I take my computer apart, and removing them whenever I get myself at least partially set up in my new digs.

I need to send an E-Mail, and then go to bed.

Episcopal Issues

This weekend I read this article on MSN. It's a good read; the gist of it is that various Episcopal parishes around the United States have been independently staging U2-themed services. Given that U2's music is very spiritually focused (which won't come as a surprise to any of you who read TSTF frequently), and given that many U2 songs contain direct quotations of scripture, U2 music serves as a good contemporary update for Episcopalians, a denomination with a very liturgical form of worship.

The article discusses the identification that youth have with the band's, and specifically Bono's, activism. According to the article:

Brooks said the evening was designed to invigorate his once-aging congregation — attracting young people and those interested in social activism. "We absolutely need to grow in order to survive," he said. [...] The event included an offering for local charities and enlisted volunteers for the One Campaign, an effort to alleviate global poverty backed by U2's lead singer, Bono.

For those of you who don't know, the Episcopal Church of the United States of America is the American arm of the Worldwide Anglican Communion, otherwise known as the Church of England. I was a parishioner at an Episcopal parish in College City for about a year and a half during college, and I eventually left for several reasons. My primary reason for leaving the ECUSA as a whole, as opposed to just finding another parish, was that the ECUSA doesn't have its house in order.

In 2003, the ECUSA confirmed the appointment of an openly gay bishop, and the Canadian branch of the denomination has blessed homosexual unions. Now, I've never believed that homosexuals ought to be excluded from the church; nobody ought to be excluded from the church. I believe in the veracity and validity of the Bible, and whether I care about homosexuality or not, the Bible says in both testaments that homosexuality is sinful. We are all sinners (particularly Lycan and Mo-Licious), but there's a difference between screwing up, and openly and unrepentantly persisting in sin. The American and Canadian churches have been sending a message for a number of years that sinful behavior isn't worth getting bent out of shape about, or even worrying about at all; the issue with the churches' tacit approval of homosexual behavior is only one example of this trend.

Part of the baggage of being a Christian is accepting the Bible and what it has to say. It's open to interpretation in some cases, but most of the Bible is pretty clear.

Where am I going with this? Well, it's really quite simple: the church isn't hemorrhaging members because it's not hip or fresh enough. It's failing to draw young people because the young people who are really intent on church affiliation are the ones who are looking for orthodoxy. Being open-minded and tolerant of people who disagree with you is great, but there has to be accountability and consistency, and in the case of successful churches, that accountability and consistency comes from following the Bible, and not ignoring clearly defined doctrines. That, ladies and gentlemen, is why the Roman Catholic Church is doing fine (other than the whole priests molesting children thing) and the Episcopal Church is flopping around like a fish out of water; in fact, various American Anglican splinter groups like the Anglican Mission in America and the Reformed Episcopal Church are growing and being enriched by relations with orthodox dioceses in Africa and Asia while the ECUSA is using gimmicks in an attempt to keep from imploding.

U2 is the greatest rock band in the world, and their music has been an invaluable element in my faith. I think that the concept that's being instituted by these Episcopal parishes is a great one. Unfortunately for them, it's going to take a lot more than glow sticks, television monitors, loud music, and One Campaign singup sheets to save the Episcopal ship from sinking.

Fly Report: 18th April 2006

Good morning. I love Cheesy Poofs, you love Cheesy Poofs, if we didn't eat Cheesy Poofs, we'd be lame.

It's 45° Fahrenheit with a chance of showers in Kirkwall. In Cody, the forecast calls for a high of 35° Fahrenheit with clouds.

The average price of oil is $71.02 per barrel. The exchange rate is $1.77 for £1, or £0.56 for $1.

Today's Astronomy Picture of the Day is: (Cool)/(Lame)

Today's scripture reading is 1 Corinthians 13. The Fly isn't really reading anything; he's far too busy for that.

And hotness, it sets in; you need some protection, the thinner the skin.

The Origin of Easter

As many of you know, I make every effort to be annoyingly orthodox in the expression and celebration of my faith. Part of that annoying orthodoxy involves being careful about which religious holidays I celebrate, and how. Most of you have read my thoughts about Christmas, which is a retrofit of the old Pagan celebration of the Winter Solstice.

"Easter" at least occurs on the day (well, approximately) that Jesus' resurrection occurred. The Bible discusses how the Last Supper took place on the night of the Passover, and Christ's Passion occurred on the following day. The Resurrection occurred two days later. However, the very name "Easter", and many of the traditions that are associated with it (eggs, rabbits) are actually retrofits of a Pagan fertility festival. For more information, read here. It's a little bit more hellfire and brimstone than I tend to endorse (lots of talk about deceptions by Satan, for example), but as far as I can tell, the information about eggs, rabbits, and Semiramis is factual.

Me? I tend to celebrate by reading through the passages of the Bible that describe the Passover (Exodus) and the last few days of Jesus' life and ministry (the Gospels). I generally call it "Resurrection Day" instead of "Easter". Unlike Christmas, which has no religious significance to me whatsoever, the Resurrection is worth celebrating... Just like Saint Patrick's Day.

Fly Report: 17th April 2006

Good morning. I like the way you move me.

It's 48° Fahrenheit with a chance of showers in Kirkwall. In Cody, the forecast calls for a high of 35° Fahrenheit with snow.

The average price of oil is $70.05 per barrel. The exchange rate is $1.75 for £1, or £0.57 for $1.

Today's Astronomy Picture of the Day is: (Cool)/(Lame)

Today's scripture reading is 1 Corinthians 12. The Fly isn't really reading anything; he's far too busy for that.

In the garden, I was playing the tart; I kissed your lips and broke your heart.

A Special Day

Today is the day that Jews and Christians celebrate two major episodes in the history of our faith.

First, it's the day after Passover. God inflicted ten plagues upon Egypt in order to force the pharoah, probably Ramesses II, to let the Hebrews leave Egypt. Egypt endured nine plagues; the tenth plague, the Plague of the Firstborn, was more than the Egyptians could stand. The Spirit of the Lord passed through Egypt and killed the firstborn sons and firstborn stock animals of the Egyptians; but the Lord passed over the homes of the Hebrews, which were marked with the blood of sacrificed lambs. Pharoah had no choice but to let the Hebrews go. And so, today is the day that we celebrate blood-soaked door frames and dead Egyptians... Sort of.

The story of the ten plagues, the Passover, and the Exodus can be found in the Book of Exodus, chapters seven through twelve. For additional information on the ten plagues, check out Plaguescape, an epidemiological analysis of the events in the first few chapters of Exodus.

Christians celebrate the sacrificial crucifixion of Jesus today, and it's called Good Friday. After celebrating the Passover, Christ and his disciples went to the Garden of Gethsemane, essentially a public park, to pray. Jesus was betrayed by one of his disciples, Judas Iscariot, and given over to the Romans. The Romans flogged him, and when the Jews demanded that he be killed, he was sent to Golgotha to be crucified, suffering one of the most cruel forms of execution ever devised.

The events of Good Friday are recorded in the Gospel of Luke, chapters twenty-two and twenty-three. For more information about the events of Good Friday, check out A Physician Testifies about the Crucifixion by Dr. C. Truman Davis.

Fly Report 3000*: 14th April 2006

Good morning. The Shermanator is a sophisticated sex robot sent back in time to change the future for one lucky lady.

It's 48° Fahrenheit with a chance of showers in Kirkwall. In Cody, the forecast calls for a high of 60° Fahrenheit with partial clouds.

The average price of oil is $69.89 per barrel. The exchange rate is $1.75 for £1, or £0.57 for $1.

Today's Astronomy Picture of the Day is: (Cool)/(Lame)

Today's scripture reading is 1 Corinthians 11. The Fly isn't really reading anything; he's far too busy for that.

It's hard to walk away, when you could have it all; we could have it all; we could have it all someday.


* This is my 3000th post.

Napoleon's Battle Plan

Casey: Technically, I have a plan.
Dan: What's the plan?
Casey: It's Napoleon's plan.
Dan: Who's Napoleon?
Casey: A 19th century French emperor.
Dan: You're cracking wise with me now?
Casey: Yes.
Dan: Thanks.
Casey: He had a two-part plan.
Dan: What was it?
Casey: First we show up, then we see what happens.
Dan: That was his plan?
Casey: Yeah.
Dan: Against the Russian army?
Casey: Yeah.
Dan: First we show up, then we see what happens.
Casey: Yeah.
Dan: Almost hard to believe he lost.
Casey: Yeah.

A Different Kind of Booty Call

Behold, the latest from Friar Dave.

Friar Dave: did you see this? http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,191622,00.html
The Fly: Loading...
The Fly: ROFL
The Fly: Uh oh.
Friar Dave: i guess they finally got to the bottom of it
The Fly: That was horrible, Dave.
Friar Dave: yeah. i know
The Fly: LOL
Friar Dave: but was somewhat more fitting that "science has reached new heights"

My opinion? God bless Fox News for giving me a "hard" news article (terrible, I know) that includes an expert interview with Sir Mix-A-Lot, and pertinent pictures of Jessica Simpson's ass and Kylie Minogue in an outfit that I honestly can't comment on with any semblance of appropriateness or respectability. Outstanding.

The Passover

The LORD said to Moses and Aaron in Egypt, "This month is to be for you the first month, the first month of your year. Tell the whole community of Israel that on the tenth day of this month each man is to take a lamb for his family, one for each household. If any household is too small for a whole lamb, they must share one with their nearest neighbor, having taken into account the number of people there are. You are to determine the amount of lamb needed in accordance with what each person will eat. The animals you choose must be year-old males without defect, and you may take them from the sheep or the goats. Take care of them until the fourteenth day of the month, when all the people of the community of Israel must slaughter them at twilight. Then they are to take some of the blood and put it on the sides and tops of the doorframes of the houses where they eat the lambs. That same night they are to eat the meat roasted over the fire, along with bitter herbs, and bread made without yeast. Do not eat the meat raw or cooked in water, but roast it over the fire; head, legs and inner parts. Do not leave any of it till morning; if some is left till morning, you must burn it. This is how you are to eat it: with your cloak tucked into your belt, your sandals on your feet and your staff in your hand. Eat it in haste; it is the LORD's Passover.

"On that same night I will pass through Egypt and strike down every firstborn, both men and animals; and I will bring judgment on all the gods of Egypt. I am the LORD. The blood will be a sign for you on the houses where you are; and when I see the blood, I will pass over you. No destructive plague will touch you when I strike Egypt.

"This is a day you are to commemorate; for the generations to come you shall celebrate it as a festival to the LORD - a lasting ordinance. For seven days you are to eat bread made without yeast. On the first day remove the yeast from your houses, for whoever eats anything with yeast in it from the first day through the seventh must be cut off from Israel. On the first day hold a sacred assembly, and another one on the seventh day. Do no work at all on these days, except to prepare food for everyone to eat; that is all you may do.

"Celebrate the Feast of Unleavened Bread, because it was on this very day that I brought your divisions out of Egypt. Celebrate this day as a lasting ordinance for the generations to come. In the first month you are to eat bread made without yeast, from the evening of the fourteenth day until the evening of the twenty-first day. For seven days no yeast is to be found in your houses. And whoever eats anything with yeast in it must be cut off from the community of Israel, whether he is an alien or native-born. Eat nothing made with yeast. Wherever you live, you must eat unleavened bread."

Then Moses summoned all the elders of Israel and said to them, "Go at once and select the animals for your families and slaughter the Passover lamb. Take a bunch of hyssop, dip it into the blood in the basin and put some of the blood on the top and on both sides of the doorframe. Not one of you shall go out the door of his house until morning. When the LORD goes through the land to strike down the Egyptians, he will see the blood on the top and sides of the doorframe and will pass over that doorway, and he will not permit the destroyer to enter your houses and strike you down.

"Obey these instructions as a lasting ordinance for you and your descendants. When you enter the land that the LORD will give you as he promised, observe this ceremony. And when your children ask you, 'What does this ceremony mean to you?' then tell them, 'It is the Passover sacrifice to the LORD, who passed over the houses of the Israelites in Egypt and spared our homes when he struck down the Egyptians.' " Then the people bowed down and worshiped. The Israelites did just what the LORD commanded Moses and Aaron.

At midnight the LORD struck down all the firstborn in Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh, who sat on the throne, to the firstborn of the prisoner, who was in the dungeon, and the firstborn of all the livestock as well. Pharaoh and all his officials and all the Egyptians got up during the night, and there was loud wailing in Egypt, for there was not a house without someone dead.
- Exodus 12:1-30

Fly Report: 13th April 2006

Good morning. If you liked Chef, you're gonna love Mr. Durp!

It's 46° Fahrenheit with wind and partial clouds in Kirkwall. In Cody, the forecast calls for a high of 56° Fahrenheit with wind and afternoon showers.

The average price of oil is $68.77 per barrel. The exchange rate is $1.75 for £1, or £0.57 for $1.

Today's Astronomy Picture of the Day is: (Cool)/(Lame)

Today's scripture reading is 1 Corinthians 10. The Fly isn't really reading anything; he's far too busy for that.

You plant a demon seed, and raise a flower of fire.

Name Fly's New Wheels!

Since I'm headed to the friggin' desert, I'm going to need a vehicle that's newer and more reliable than my current one. Tomorrow, my fatigued 1989 GMC Jimmy, affectionately known as Chariot I, will be replaced by its successor.

Since I doubt that the new rig will automatically be named Chariot II, I figured that I'd come to you, the bloggers at large, for suggestions. Many of you have known me for a year or more at this point (Michelley, Mo-Licious, Lycan Thrope, Manda, et cetera), and some of you have known me in real life for substantially longer (Father Time, April, Anachronism, et cetera).

So, go ahead. Knowing me as you do, what are your thoughts as to what I dub the new Flymobile?

Funnies from Friar Dave

As some of you may know, Friar Dave is a graduate teaching assistant for a major midwestern university history department. On occasion, when he's grading exams and term papers, he will delight me with gems like this one:

Friar Dave: Fly, I kid you not, someone actually wrote "El Cid and his posse"
The Fly: LOL
Friar Dave: hahaha
Friar Dave: this is postable
The Fly: Absolutely.
The Fly: Want me to?
Friar Dave: "The King is not El Cid's only Lord, He also serves his Spiritual Lord. In the medieval worl, God was everyone's Lord. El Cid Feels like by fighting the Moors he is helping serve god and Jesus. El Cide even believes that the Arch Angle Gabriel came and spoke to him saying god was on his side (which cseems to be an Islamic influence to the story)"
Friar Dave: (sic)
Friar Dave: my only typo was (worl instead of world) the rest were his
The Fly: LOL
The Fly: Wow.

Academic comedy from Friar Dave makes me feel good.

Strange Things are Afoot at the Library

A blast from the past...

Chef: Children, three nights ago I was at the library checking out some books on kama sutra when I met the most amazing woman ever. She knew so much about so many things. She really got me thinking. We eventually came back to my place and really hit it off.
Stan: So you made sweet love to her down by the fire.
Chef: No no, we just sat there all night long and... Talked.
Stan: Talked?!
Chef: Yeah. She told me all about the powers of goddess, and how men have been oppressing women for years and viewing them as sexual objects, and I realized that I had done that myself.

I think that Mr. Garrison may have discovered what's wrong with Chef.

Kyle: Mr. Garrison, can we talk to you?
Mr. Garrison: Sure.
Stan: Normally we go to Chef with our problems, but we can't this time.
Mr. Garrison: Well children, I am your teacher. I think you'll find that my advice is just as valuable as Chef's, if not more so.
Kyle: All right. Mr. Garrison, have you ever had a friend who got a new girlfriend, and then stopped being your friend, and it pissed you off?
Mr. Garrison: Oh, the old succubus syndrome.
Stan: What's a succubus?
Mr. Garrison: A succubus is a woman sent from Hell to suck the life out of a man.
Kyle: That's it!
Stan: Yeah!
Mr. Garrison: Yeah, there's not much you can do about a succubus. Their evil power makes man blind to love.
Kyle: This is totally what's happening!
Stan: Wow, you are smart, Mr. Garrison!
Mr. Garrison: Yeah, I tell you boys, women can kill. Poontang's expensive. That's why when it comes to chicks, I just screw them and leave them. I'd say "get out of my bedroom, poontank, before you suck my life dry!"
Kyle: Thanks, Mr. Garrison.

Poor Chef. We'll miss you.

Fly Report: 12th April 2006

Good morning. I'm born again hard.

It's 46° Fahrenheit with light rain in Kirkwall. In Cody, the forecast calls for a high of 56° Fahrenheit with heavy clouds.

The average price of oil is $69.25 per barrel. The exchange rate is $1.75 for £1, or £0.57 for $1.

Today's Astronomy Picture of the Day is: (Cool)/(Lame)

Today's scripture reading is 1 Corinthians 9. The Fly isn't really reading anything; he's far too busy for that.

We'll slide down the surface of things.

Hot Potato CCG

Behold, a conversation with Friar Dave.

The Fly: How busy are you this weekend?
Friar Dave: ...im going to [Friar City] this weekend for easter
Friar Dave: and otherwise trying to stay abreast of my work
Friar Dave: why?
The Fly: CCG's single again. I think you should go take advantage of her vulnerability.
The Fly: Go! Succeed where I have failed!
Friar Dave: where is she? [Kristiville]?
The Fly: No, that's Kristi. CCG's in [Gomorrah].
Friar Dave: admittedly, that's a little better from here, not the best getting to plymouth though
Friar Dave: and, even if i was interested in dating a crazy ultra-religous girl, im too busy for that this weekend
The Fly: LOL
The Fly: Probably a good call.

For the record, Dave and I met Kristi in London/Portsmouth in March of 2003, after I'd been chatting with her on the computer for about six years. Kristi is who introduced me to CCG. Even so, Friar Dave's response that he's "too busy for that this weekend" is not only classic, but hilarious as well.

Forecast Calls for Chaos

War, famine, pestilence, and plague? Nope; that terrifying trumpet blast was the sound of Adam Clayton getting engaged. Clayton, U2's bassist, is the last remaining bachelor in U2, as Larry Mullen's relationship went common law years ago.

I guess Adam decided not to wait until the end of the world after all.

The Gospel of Judas Revisited

I saw this article today on MSN, and I caught the tail end of a television segment on it the other day. It's about the so-called "Gospel of Judas", which I discussed here, in relation to this article, which Bane linked to.

What people don't understand is that people tried to latch their own baggage and ideas onto Christianity when it was on its initial rise during the first and second centuries. The most infamous example of this was Gnosticism, a heretical movement derived from the same Eastern mystery religions that were embraced by Alexander long before the birth of Christ. The Bible canon was established for exactly this reason: to officially exclude heretesy from the Bible by preventing heretical "scripture" from being included.

As usual, the idiots at Newsweek put the truth about the Gospel of Judas in a quote at the bottom of the article:

Robinson, who tried to acquire the manuscript again in 1993, says the Gospel is a sensation—but only to scholars, not the public. His own book, "The Secrets of Judas," hardly oversells the translation. "It tells us nothing about the historical Jesus, nothing about the historical Judas," he told NEWSWEEK. "It only tells what, 100 years later, Gnostics were doing with the story they found in the canonical Gospels. I think purchasers are going to throw the book down in disgust."

You have to sift through all of the garbage to get to that point and find out that the actual scholars see this "gospel" for what it is: a truly apocryphal attempt to foist some heretical gnostic ideas and history into the story of Jesus. The fact that people are still stupid enough to buy into it two thousand years later is further proof that a passage from real scripture is true:

What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.
- Ecclesiastes 1:9

Thus saith the Fly... Who happens to have some academic background in early church history, including the gnostic heresy.

Fly Report: 11th April 2006

Good morning. Coffee is the devil.

It's 50° Fahrenheit with partial clouds in Kirkwall. In Cody, the forecast calls for a high of 49° Fahrenheit with afternoon showers.

The average price of oil is $69.29 (?) per barrel. The exchange rate is $1.74 for £1, or £0.57 for $1.

Today's Astronomy Picture of the Day is: (Cool)/(Lame)

Today's scripture reading is 1 Corinthians 8. The Fly isn't really reading anything; he's far too busy for that.

Naked flame, she stands with a naked flame. I stand with the sons of Cain, burned by the fire of love.

The Great Material Continuum

I've been called exceptionally nerdy, and while I don't particularly agree in all cases, there are a few bits and pieces of my personality that definitely have an abnormal vibe to them. One of these is my interest in Star Trek, which has waned over the years, particularly since Voyager sucked; and while I liked Enterprise, it was too preachy and political. That means that there hasn't even been a decent Star Trek series since Deep Space Nine, which went off the air when I was in high school. Anyway, that's beside the point.

There were a couple of episodes of Deep Space Nine that mentioned a concept: the Great Material Continuum. Basically, it says that throughout the universe, one person will have something that another person will want or need. On the show, it served as religious symbolism and philosophy for a mercantilist species, but I feel as if there's some legitimacy to the concept.

As I've gotten ready for the move down to the Mojave, I've been trying to get some gear together that I'm going to need. The item I was told that I'd need, as uniforms are being provided (probably something like this), was a pair of steel-toed boots. At the end of my shift at the surplus store last Monday, an Army captain came in looking to unload some boots, and said that he'd just give us one pair, an unused pair of short-top steel-toed boots. He happened to be the same shoe size as me; I said I was tempted to take them for myself, told him what I was going to be doing, and he said that he'd just give them to me. I'll still buy another pair, but it won't hurt to have these, and I'd guess that I'll probably get some use out of them.

The name of the game in the desert, for both comfort and survival, is going to be hydration. I've had a Nalgene bottle since I was a junior in college, and the thing's got dings and dents in it, but it still seals; for those of you unfamiliar with Nalgene bottles, I've heard stories of these things being shot at and run over by cars without breaking. However, a single sixteen ounce bottle doesn't cut it, even when coupled with a canteen, so I've been looking for a hydration system. I've had my eye on a Thermobak Omega by CamelBak, in Coyote Tan. None of the local sporting goods stores carry that model, nor do they carry anything in Coyote Tan. I've been trying to figure out how to get the thing before I start work, and coming up empty. Today a guy came into the store (today being my last day here), just back from Iraq, and he knows the owner of the store. Luckily, the store owner was here to buy the stuff, since I can't do that myself. Among many other items he brought in, he had a brand new SDS Military Hydration System. While it doesn't have the built-in pocket that the Thermobak Omega has, it uses the MOLLE/PALS system that's currently being employed by the Department of Defense; this replaces the obsolete and cumbersome ALICE system. Instead of being in woodland camouflage as pictured, it's in Desert Tan, which is the color I need; also, it still had the plastic shrink wrap seal on the mouthpiece, though it had picked up some sand over the course of its trip from College City to Iraq and back again. Since it doesn't have an integrated pocket, I purchased a MOLLE/PALS compatible Spec Ops Brand Medical Pouch. A CamelBak Thermobak Omega carries a recommended retail price of $66.00; I got the SDS hydration pack and the Spec Ops Brand Medical Pouch for a total cost of $38, and I don't have to worry about having it shipped to me.

Another part of the game plan, both during the hot days and cold nights, is sweat control. During the scorching days, sweat gets extremely uncomfortable; during the cold desert nights, it's important to avoid retaining sweat in order to avoid hypothermia caused by prolonged contact with cold water. Because of this, I've been looking for Tactical Full T-Shirts by Under Armour, in Marine OD Green. The regional sporting goods chain has been able to come up with three of them, one of which I've already purchased; they're giving me the military discount on all three of them.

The Great Material Continuum, as hokey as it sounds, is doing its part to get me into a great vehicle as well, and I'm sure there will be other bits and pieces along the way. This isn't even counting the paycheck from the surplus store, which I wasn't expecting so much as a month ago, or the opportunity to spend a bit more time working at the office before I leave, so that my paycheck for the month of April won't be completely miniscule. Let the Great Material Continuum, a wholly owned subsidiary of Providence Unlimited, continue its monumental task of coordinating trade, production, and industry throughout the universe!

Fly Report: 10th April 2006

Good morning. Bid my blood to run, before I come undone.

It's 46° Fahrenheit and fair in Kirkwall. In Cody, the forecast calls for a high of 49° Fahrenheit with afternoon showers.

The average price of oil is $68.55 per barrel. The exchange rate is $1.74 for £1, or £0.57 for $1.

Today's Astronomy Picture of the Day is: (Cool)/(Lame)

Today's scripture reading is 1 Corinthians 7; the Fly has been lazy lately. The Fly isn't really reading anything; he's far too busy for that.

Sweetheart, you're so cruel.

A Dietary Observation

I do believe that I now have a new favorite breakfast item: a reheated leftover prime rib sandwich from Quizno's. I don't care how much Michelley hates Quizno's and their old advertising campaign with the "creepy rat things", they make amazing sandwiches.

Mmmmm.

Modern Mercenaries

While I was working at the surplus store today, a gentleman came in and made a couple of purchases. We got to talking; generally, when a guy with a big mustache, a panama hat, and long hair comes in, you pretty much ignore him unless he buys something; however, this guy and I got into talking about some things, and he regaled me with tales from this two hour special he'd seen on the History Channel about the use of modern mercenaries and security contractors in such conflicts as Iraq and Sierra Leone.

Apparently there's an outfit of private security contractors, basically former special operations operators who have gone to the private sector to make their living as soldiers of fortune, and it's a wholly owned subsidiary of Halliburton. Now, a light search on the Internet failed to locate information about this; however, I did find some articles on World Net Daily (not generally a high quality news source, but at least interesting) about a couple of similar companies based in the United Kingdom and South Africa. The articles go into detail about the operations of two companies, Sandline and Executive Outcomes, in Sierra Leone in particular. Here are the articles:

Part 1: White Mercenaries in Black Africa

Part 2: How Private Warriors Turned Tables in War

Part 3: Memorandum to a Cannibal

Also, in researching Sandline and Executive Outcomes, I came across references to An Orthodox Warrior: Peace and War and the Sandline Affair by Tim Spicer. Spicer was a Lieutenant Colonel in the Scots Guards, which included command of one of the Scots Guards units on deployment to Northern Ireland. His book, apparently, serves not only as a discussion of the use of private security contractors in the increasingly complex realm of international relations and armed conflict, but also as an endorsement and affirmative argument for such companies. I'm adding it to my reading list, though it will take some time before I can schedule it in (or procure the book, for that matter).

I think that this is worth considering. The United Nations has made a habit of demonstrating that they're willing to take control of a situation without actually carrying out the tasks that need to be carried out in order to make peace. Since the Geneva Convention is binding law in most countries around the world, the concept of freelance militias that aren't subject to certain aspects of international laws regarding the conduct of armed confict is simultaneously troubling and intriguing. If I can some up with something tangible, I'll put it together and post it. Until then, read the links and enjoy.

Posters

Obviously, this whole process has led me to do something I'd been dreading for years: cleaning out all the crap that my room has collected over the last few years. I'll likely be binning quite a bit, including things like model kits assembled when I was in high school, promotional flats from my time at the record store, a Seattle Mariners baseball on which the two lame signatures (base coaches or something) have long since faded away in the sun, and many, many other things.

One of my projects for today is going through my posters. I want to have some things to put up on my walls in the apartment, but I'm not going to cart all of my stuff down there. In fact, there are a few posters that could probably stand to find new homes, or go into the trash. Here are a few examples.

Aerosmith: A Little South of Sanity (2) - I got these when I worked at the record store my first year of college. They never got put up in my room. Interestingly enough, I bought the album for this girl who I was trying to get to go to my senior prom with me. She turned me down, and said that she felt bad about taking the CD, and wanted to get it back; I've long since let that one go, since that was Spring of 2000 and I pretty much never heard from her again.

dc Talk - I bought this on the Supernatural Tour, circa 1999, when the band was in Metropolis. It was up on my ceiling for a few years, then I took it down.

Audio Adrenaline - I bought this one on the Zombie tour, Spring Break 1998, at the age of fifteen. It was up on my ceiling with the dc Talk poster.

Mission: Impossible II - The son of one of my co-workers worked at the movie theater, and figured I'd like this poster, so he got it for me. I have no idea why. It was never once on my wall, and now that I'm convinced that Tom Cruise is bat shit crazy, I'd love to unload it.

See anythig you're interested in? You pay shipping, I send the poster. It's as simple as that.

So, I'll wind up down in Barstow with several posters worth putting up. Some of these include:

All of U2's album covers up until 2000, a gift from Gus and Saint Jen

Rockets of the World, purchased at Kennedy Space Center in August of 1996

The Earth from Space, one of the day, one of the night

"A Bold Bluff" (Dogs Playing Poker by Cassius Coolidge)

You know what? Once I get my first paycheck, I should get a Guinness poster.

I am going to have the coolest bachelor pad ever.

Busy Fly Requests Roast

Wow. Two Fly Reports in a row. That doesn't happen very often.

As a result of bad directions, I spent about an hour yesterday trying to find the lab where I was supposed to do my urinalysis. They said that the lab was east of the freeway, when it was actually about four miles west of the freeway; all of this in Capital City, which I've spent no appreciable amount of time in during the course of my nearly twenty-four years. At any rate, I passed, and my medical questionnaire has been cleared by the company's occupational nurse, so I'm good to go; all I have to do is show up with my birth certificate, photo identification, and proof of car insurance.

Speaking of cars, we're looking for a different vehicle for me. Chariot I has served its purpose well, but it's got two hundred thousand miles on it, and I'd be surprised if it could make it to Barstow, let alone make the eighty mile commute every day. There are car pools, van pools, et cetera, but on occasion I'm going to have to drive that run by myself, and I need a reliable vehicle. With a need for some degree of utility, along with a desire for acceptable fuel economy, we're looking at used Chevy Trailblazers, Dodge Durangos, Subaru Outbacks, and a Nissan X-Terra thrown in for good measure. The vehicle's name has not yet been determined, though I have some ideas.

I'm also looking at getting a new computer. The bid that I got from a local outfit was much higher than I'd expected, so I'm looking at Best Buy for an eMachines... Uh... Machine. If things go according to plan, Poosh might even get that Flycast he was hoping for a week or so ago.

The departure date has been moved back to Thursday the twentieth, as I'm not going to have to report for work until the twenty-fifth. That lets me get a few more hours worked so that I'll have at least a bit of pay coming in at the end of the month to keep me going. I've got some money saved up, but a lot of that is going to disappear in the next couple of weeks with a new car, a new computer, a new apartment... Well, basically a new life. It will also take some pressure off me when it comes to packing, getting a hold of equipment, and seeing friends one last time before I leave.

Father Time has taken to "roasting" me, which gave me an idea. Remember this invitation? Well, I figure that a great way for you folks to have fun while I'm offline for a few days would be to expand Father Time's roast. Thus, those who qualify can feel free to poke fun at me, roast style, on my own turf. Of course, everyone who gets the opportunity will be a trusted friend, known for their discretion. If anyone's more interested now than they were before, they can E-Mail me or leave a comment indicating just that.

Right then. Time for food.

Fly Report: 7th April 2006

Good morning. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant when compared to the power of the Fly.

It's 41° Fahrenheit with a chance of showers in Kirkwall. In Cody, the forecast calls for a high of 48° Fahrenheit with rain and snow.

The average price of oil is $67.32 per barrel. The exchange rate is $1.75 for £1, or £0.57 for $1.

Today's Astronomy Picture of the Day is: (Cool)/(Lame)

Today's scripture reading is 1 Corinthians 7. The Fly isn't really reading anything; he's far too busy for that.

You can move on this moment, follow this feeling.

Fly Report: 06th April 2006

Good morning. Juliet, when we made love, you used to cry.

It's 41° Fahrenheit with wind and light rain in Kirkwall. In Cody, the forecast calls for a high of 37° Fahrenheit with rain and snow.

The average price of oil is $67.94 per barrel. The exchange rate is $1.75 for £1, or £0.57 for $1.

Today's Astronomy Picture of the Day is: (Cool)/(Lame)

Today's scripture reading is 1 Corinthians 7. The Fly isn't really reading anything; he's far too busy for that.

Hold me now, oh hold me now, 'til this hour has gone around, and I'm gone on the rising tide, for to face Van Dieman's Land.

Fly Report: 05th April 2006

Good morning. It's a game of smiting by numbers.

It's 46° Fahrenheit with rain and wind in Kirkwall. In Cody, the forecast calls for a high of 48° Fahrenheit with rain and snow.

The average price of oil is $66.55 per barrel. The exchange rate is $1.76 for £1, or £0.57 for $1.

Today's Astronomy Picture of the Day is: (Cool)/(Lame)

Today's scripture reading is 1 Corinthians 6. The Fly isn't really reading anything; he's far too busy for that.

Sleep comes like a drug in God's country.

Tactical Loading

I've never had to pack up my entire life before. The closest I ever came to that was the week preceding my indoctrination into the Navy, and even then a lot of my stuff was left at home since College City is only a short commute from Hometown. When fraternity life didn't work out, I was back home during the first week of school, thanks to some heroic help from my uncle and some of his buddies, who were paid handsomely in beer for their assistance. The only other time I've even come close was when I went to England; that was two and a half months, and I took all that I needed in a seabag, a big duffel bag, and a medium black ALICE pack. Coming back, it took those three, plus an Israeli paratrooper satchel.

I've been going through my CDs tonight. I own very little furniture; a couple of CD/DVD/video racks, a papasan chair and ottoman, a book case, a little table, and a desk chair. I have a standing floor lamp, two lava lamps (stop laughing), and a few knick knacks I've picked up over the last few years that I can use as decorations in the new place. At any rate, I've been going through my CDs, packing them up. I can't find the case to Chant II, and it was skipping the last time I played it, so it may be time for a new copy.

I have a lot of old videotapes, and nowhere to store them. I'll be taking a selection of them down with me, and all of my DVDs; but I'm going to want to take both racks with me, which means that there's going to have to be some serious shifting. I have fifteen Xerox paper boxes: good, sturdy, corrugated boxes. The problem? Nine of them are filled with books. One of them is filled with CDs and videos. I've decided that out of my nine boxes of books, and my bookcase, I'll be taking one Xerox paper box full of books. One. The rest can come later, of course.

It's been noted by people who know me that I'd make a good logistician. I'm good at both tactical and administrative loading. Don't know the difference? Okay, here's an example. During the initial months of World War I, the Brits, the French, the Australians, and maybe the Greeks (if I remember correctly; I haven't studied this in a year and a half) attempted an ill-fated invasion of the Gallipoli Peninsula. Part of the problem that the Alliance ran into was that their gear was administratively loaded; for example, the artillery was on one ship, while the caissons were loaded on another. Generally speaking, tactical loading is more practical, but administrative loading allows you to store more cargo.

I'm pretty good at both, though my mind is naturally geared toward tactical loading, especially tactical loading for quick offload, setup, and use. For example, aside from furniture, I'm pretty sure that all of the items that I take down to California will be either boxed or bagged, organized, and loaded neatly into the vehicles for quick unloading and setup. They'll also be labeled. It sounds simple, but I've helped people move before, and you'd be shocked how haphazard some people are about it. I'll take my ALICE pack, which will ride up in the front seat with me, loaded with everything I need for about four days, save for food and water. Two backpacking trips to England, one with a massive seabag, another living out of an ALICE pack for two weeks, will teach you how to tactically load your gear in a hurry.

I should probably get back to trying to find where to move stuff around. There's a lot to do tomorrow. For those of you who have the access, encouraging E-Mails and telephone calls are most welcome.

Thus saith the Fly.

Fly Report: 4th April 2006

Good morning. Let's roll.

It's 39° Fahrenheit with partial clouds and wind in Kirkwall. In Cody, the forecast calls for a high of 54° Fahrenheit and afternoon showers.

The average price of oil is $66.07 per barrel. The exchange rate is $1.74 for £1, or £0.58 for $1.

Today's Astronomy Picture of the Day is: (Cool)/(Lame)

Today's scripture reading is 1 Corinthians 5. The Fly is currently reading Field Manual 100-5: Operations and Black Hawk Down by Mark Bowden.

I will sing, sing a new song.

Fast Changes

Regular readers will remember the job description, the call-back, the second call-back, and the interview. Well, today is a day that will live in infamy.

I got the job. I'm moving to California. To paraphrase Alec Guinness:

"You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."

When I meet people, and they ask me what I do, I can honestly, with a straight face, say "I'm a professional war gaming specialist." Well, it won't be a completely straight face; I'll have a wicked grin on it.

The timeline on moving and starting up down there is going to be shorter than I had originally anticipated, so the next couple of weeks are going to be absolutely insane. Tomorrow will be my last night on call, and I'm not sure what other work I'll be doing before I leave. I'll have a lot of friends to see, a lot of packing to do, and a lot of tactical and strategic staging to take care of. I'll hopefully wind up with a different vehicle, since mine is on its last legs as it is.

I'll be issued my uniforms, at least initially; sounds like it'll probably be khaki utilities. I've been looking around online at the websites for Under Armour and CamelBak. I called a local sporting goods chain, asking about Marine OD Green and Army Brown Under Armour, and they were able to locate three, one at the local store and two at other stores. I purchased the one at their store, using my military contractor discount for the first time. They don't have the CamelBak I want, but the guy said that I should call the manufacturer, because they'd be able to get it to me quicker and they'd give me a sweet discount. This could wind up being pretty excellent.

I'm not looking forward to being in the desert; today it was like, fifty degrees outside, and I was wearing shorts. There will be some advantages, but I'll basically be out in the middle of the desert. I'll probably lose some weight; hell, I'll probably get in shape. The next month or so is going to be a very interesting, brutal transition.

I'm not sure what effect this will have on blogging. I'm not going to shut down the blog, but my guess is that there will be drastic changes. It's a cleared position, so I won't be able to talk about my work, though I will be able to post pictures every now and again of me looking like a badass.

I'll post more as it develops.

A Slow News Day

Hello, friends.

Iran claims that it's developed several new weapon systems. They claim they have a torpedo that can break a heavy warship in two, a torpedo that travels over two hundred miles per hour, and a multiple-warheaded missile that can evade radar. You'll excuse me if I take those claims with a grain of salt.

Hell has frozen over: they're making a live action Simpsons movie. I love the Simpsons, but let's be honest: it jumped the shark several years ago. Making a movie, let alone a live action movie with the original voice actors doing the dialogue, is just beyond silly.

The French are gearing up for more protests over a job law that makes sense. For those of you who haven't been following it, the French government passed a law that allows employers to fire an employee under a certain age for no reason during the first two years of their employment. Young French citizens, who are used to entitlements, want their lives to be a sure thing, so they're protesting the legislation, and I'm poking fun at them on my blog.

And finally, an Islamist spokesman is claiming that Abu Musaab al-Zarqawi has been replaced by an Iraqi. Whether this is true or not is anyone's guess, but you'd better believe that even if al Zarqawi isn't the figurehead anymore, he's still calling most of the shots. After all, he's got the support of bin Laden and al Zwahiri.

And me? I'm still talkin' about the end of the world.

Encountering God in Unexpected Places

Now Moses was tending the flock of Jethro his father-in-law, the priest of Midian, and he led the flock to the far side of the desert and came to Horeb, the mountain of God. There the angel of the LORD appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush. Moses saw that though the bush was on fire it did not burn up. So Moses thought, "I will go over and see this strange sight—why the bush does not burn up."
When the LORD saw that he had gone over to look, God called to him from within the bush, "Moses! Moses!"
And Moses said, "Here I am."

"Do not come any closer," God said. "Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground." 6 Then he said, "I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob." At this, Moses hid his face, because he was afraid to look at God.

The LORD said, "I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey—the home of the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites. And now the cry of the Israelites has reached me, and I have seen the way the Egyptians are oppressing them. So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt."

But Moses said to God, "Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?"

And God said, "I will be with you.["]
- The Book of Exodus, Chapter 3, verses 1 through 12

Fly Report: 3rd April 2006

Good morning. The more you sweat in training, the less you bleed in combat.

It's 37° Fahrenheit and light snow and partly cloudy in Kirkwall. In Cody, the forecast calls for a high of 52° Fahrenheit and clouds.

The average price of oil is $67.23 per barrel. The exchange rate is $1.74 for £1, or £0.57 for $1.

Today's Astronomy Picture of the Day is: (Cool)/(Lame)

Today's scripture reading is 1 Corinthians 5. The Fly is currently reading Field Manual 100-5: Operations and Black Hawk Down by Mark Bowden.

I'm going nowhere, where I am it is a lot of fun; there in the desert to dismantle an atomic bomb.

A New Sensation

In those days John the Baptist came, preaching in the Desert of Judea and saying, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near." This is he who was spoken of through the prophet Isaiah: "A voice of one calling in the desert, 'Prepare the way for the Lord, make straight paths for him.'"

John's clothes were made of camel's hair, and he had a leather belt around his waist. His food was locusts and wild honey. People went out to him from Jerusalem and all Judea and the whole region of the Jordan. Confessing their sins, they were baptized by him in the Jordan River.
- The Gospel According to Saint Matthew, Chapter 3, verses 1 through 6

Quittin' Business

Right then, I've decided to quit the blogging business. I have various reasons that I won't go into. If anyone's interested, I'm willing to sell the rights and access to the url "http://drosophil.blogspot.com" for $200. I get a lot of traffic, so if someone takes it over, they could probably take it and run with it.

Been a pleasure, wankers. Don't shoot your foot off.

UPDATE: Okay, this post confirmed several things.

1) You people really do love me. How touching.
2) Father Time, the lovely and talented Michelle, and Mo-Licious don't check their calendars.

Congratulations to both Poosh and April, who saw through my clever ruse. Then again, it was nothing compared to what Bane did.

No, I'm not quitting, but there are likely to be some very drastic changes around TSTF in the coming weeks. Stay tuned for more information.